"i need help" is the phrase i end up writing on a slip of scrap paper on the fourth or fifth day of five days in a school week.
On the weekends i am less desperate.
During the school days it is like i am trapped inside the moment.
My heart is not going forward, i do not allow it to.
When it has shrunk too far inside the cavity of my chest, that is when i make myself say i need help.
It is monday.
Right now i have come to the conclusion that i do everything that gives me the feeling i am slightly more perfect than i am.
I am sure by tommorrow afternoon or the day after i will think about needing help.
It is a routine.
At least if i put it into words
There still is no meaning.
Assumption:
If i were on holiday now, in Christmas, then i'd probably only be sad when thinking about school.
Assumptions are bad and unhealthy, just like me during school days.
Maybe i do need help, even when i am not at school, or on a school day.
No one will hear me
But of course i am desperate for someone to hear and to reply to me, so i type on this page right now.
