SPEAK NOW

Goodbye Sam...hello to the new me...

It's been two months since that emotional event happened. Right now Maryjeal and I promise Sam that we'll always visit him after school.

My mom understands me because I told her everything, everything even my feelings towards Sam that's why she's allowing me to go home late.

" Hey Sam look at this." I showed him drawing that could make everyone laugh, " Isn't this picture really nice?" 

"Pfftttt..." He started laughing, " That drawing is so lame you know!" still laughing.

I pout my lips so it would look like I am suulking.

" Okay...okay...I'm sorry...that drawing...is precious." Sam said.

Oh no..my heart is in chaos.

" Don't smile like that you idiot! It kills me!" I said while blushing.

" Alright...alright...sorry..."

Now that I had confessed I can freely tell Sam everything that he do affects me. And he's really nicer than ever.

And I'm falling more in love to him than ever.

I am doing what Maryjeal told me that loving is making the person you love happy whether it hurts you or not.

But right now...I'm feeling both the pain and the not. I want to make him happy but everytime I see him in that condition I want to cry but I can't since I promised him not to and it's so painful because I see him suffer. I am feeling the " not " there too because I am happy just being beside him.

I want to make him see the real me right now so that I can make him proud of me.

I want to spend every minute of my life with him so that when he gets well we could talk a lot about our happy and sad past.

I want to hold his hands till the end so that when he die I can never forget what it feels like.

I want to sing at him forever so that he can memorize every word there when I die.

I want to memorize the cover by cover of a dictionary just to tell him all gthe words of love stated in there.

I would draw all your happy faces so that until I die I'll still remember the way you smile.

Anything is possible with you beside me Sam....anthing...

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Thinking all those sorts of thoughts made me tired that I fell asleep without me noticing. I even dreamed of Sam kissing me. But when I woke up..

" Nurse!!!nurse!!!" Though I'm panicking I am not crying.

" Get the oxygen! hurry!" said the nurse to the other nurse who is also around.

I promised Sam that I will never cry again and I won't break that whatever happens.

The nurses told me to go out. And when I got out I quickly contact Maryjeal and Sam's parents.It only took them ten minutes to arrive at the hospital. Sam's mother began crying as well his father but Maryjeal and I just held hands.

" Sylene.." maryjeal said.

Wow...this is the first time Mj called me by my whole name.

" Let's smile whatever the result is." Maryjeal said, " so that...we could stop ourselves on crying." then she looked at me with teary eyes.

I gave her a comforting smile, " yeah...together we'll accept whatever the result is." I said.

I want to be strong like Maryjeal. I want to be strong like the storm so that I can always face my fears. I will move on whatever happens.

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"Mr. and Mrs. Scheller...I'm sorry I can't save your son's life." the doctor said.

I heard the sobbing of Mrs.Scheller become louder and her husband still hugging her shout.

" Why?!!!WHy my son?!!!" Mr. Scheller.

" Syl...as promised." Maryjeal said and then she looked at me with smile on her face while her tears pouring.

"Yeah.." and as promised I gave out the most beautiful smile i could with tears in my eyes.

Samuel Scheller...my beloved best friend, classmate, boy friend id now dead.

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One year later....

" Sylene...Is this your camcorder?" Mom said.

" Yes..." I said.

" I think you forgot to keep it...it's on top of the fridge....keep it okay?"

"yes mom...I'll be going now..I'lll be late.." 

"take care.."

I hurriedly went to school. Today I had brought the old ccamcorder way back from second year of high school.

Now maryjeal and I are in the same class in third year. After Sam''s death Mj and I became the best of friends because we thought that there's no other people who loves Sam this much other than us.

Other than that I began to mature. I changed my look so that I can walk up straightly and not the timid type anymore. The old me is still the me I just changed little things about me.

My old me's hair is so long that I'm taking too long time just to comb it. now I cut it upto shoulder. I changed my bangs in to one side and use something like headbands to make it look simple.

I made myself presentable to people so that I won't be embarass to talked to them but I didn't change one thing that reminds me of how Sam and i met...my eyeglasses.

I became an active person to show them that I am strong even without him and I also want to make him proud if ever he's watching from above.

The me now...is what I always desire.....Sylene Metther.