SPEAK NOW

More and More

"Why are you trying to fit in when you're born to stand out?"

(- what a girl wants) 

"Stay there..."Sam said. "Don't dare to open your eyes okay?"

"what the hell is this Sam?" I asked curiously.

Today is my birthday...and I expected Sam to do such corny things as these. I am not being mean but it's the truth right?...Covering the celebrant's eyes and giving gifts is such a stupid thing. But to tell you the truth... I'm really happy of what Sam is doing. Not because this is my first time..but because of Sam.. Remember that  that I love him???...Ughh...it's really embarrassing to admit it...It doesn't suit me at all.

"now!"Sam shouted.

I open my eyes and guess what?...

Our secret base...it looks exactly the way I draw it!!!...I don't know what to feel...I don't know what to say..I don't know how to react...and without me noticing....I'm smiling while crying..crazy right?...

I look horrible right now so don't mind to imagine it anymore...

" Do you like it?" Sam said.

" Yeahh...It really resemble my drawing..."I answered "The paintings are all beautiful.."

"Yeahh..but don't you recognize them?"Sam asked.

" huh??..Is there any important memories there?.."I asked.

"Well...They are yours..." Sam answered.

"What?.."I said.

I don't remember having to paint these. 

"How did they became mine?"I asked.

" Remember Wednesday Mattews?"Sam said.

"The arts club president last year who just graduated?"I asked.

" Yes..Isn't Wednesday your club president?..I went to her house yesterday and asked if she stll have all your works and fortunately she have them all..She just can't throw them away because she treasures them so much" Sam said.

"R-really?.." I said.

 I never thought that someone would treasure my wrks so much...

"Those are your works from when we were still in junior high."Sam said.

I am touched by Wednesday's kindness. If only I had met her personally before she graduated. But that seems impossible for someone like me.

"You're frowning again"Sam said.."Smile!..Go and make my day!"

"But--"I said.

"You don't belong to their world?..to my world?...always thinking such things..."Sam said and smile. " You don't need to fit in together with us....we don't need to be alike so that we could be together...You just need to stay the way you are.."

"But I did...But all they do is bully me and hurt me!...Isn't that traumatizing?" I said.

"Yes the past can hurt you but you can't live for other people's opinion...You need to do what you know is right for you even if it takes to hurt the people around you"he said. "Because if you really want it, there's always a way.."

Why is Sam telling me all of this?...My heart can't consume this much....All of his words are making my heart race...His smile, his gentle voice,...I just can't accept to hear and see them everyday!!! The more he tell me those..the more I fall inlove with him...I don't know if I should tell him to stop doing such things that would make my heart burst or just listen to them and let my heart suffer more.

"Syl...are you okay?....You're face has turned all red" Sam worriedly said.

"Huh?...No! this...this..ahhh...ha...yea....ahhh...n-not..."I don't know what to say..!!!

"What?..I can't understand you...Speak clearly"Sam said.

"This..Don't mind this face"I said and turn aound so that he won't see my face turn red more and more. "I already have an answer to what you've said."

"What? "Sam asked.

"You cannot change people what they are....without destroying them...and I am fighting them...I'm fighting for something that's real for the first time in my life...Im fighting them because you asked me to hold onto you."I said.

I saw Sam smile and hear him chuckle a bit.

"I think I wan't to fight together with you..what do you say?" Sam said while smiling.

I face him with my brows touching each other....

"Of course I want that..idiot!" I said.

I don't know what'gotten into my mind that I said something like fighting....I sounded like a girl in a movie...very corny..I don't know what's happening to me.

I went home earlier today. Of course Sam walk me home, That's an everyday scene already, get used to it. 

I lie down to my bed and breathe deeply. At last! I finally get to part with Sam because it's harder when he's around. I can't breathe normally, walk straightly, and do things right when he's near. it's so ironic, I find it easier when he's far away and harder when he's near but it seems my eyes can't attain to not see him every minute. 

I want to feel relieve and free..I want to shout these feelings inside me but I just can't..My voice won't come out and I find it hard to talk.

I want him to fill me up more and more. I want to fall inlove with him more and more until I'm fed up.

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Maybe If I had confessed that day, Sam and I had done so many thigs that we weren't able to do. Such things that would just hurt me when I try remembering them but all of our memories were beautiful and that's what makes it hard to forget as of now.