when i close my eyes

chapter one

Courtney looked up from her notepad thinking of the lines she'd written.

a place to hide,
where i confide...

She got up from the swing that held memories of days in the summer; while also holding the saddness of it all. Years had pasted and she'd never forget the times she'd sit with Olivia. All alone they felt like the world was doing a balance trick with their feelings. When Courtney toppled over Olivia would pick her back up. When Olivia toppled over Courtney would pick her back up.

So, whilst pondering it all, Courtney walked home in the coldness of fall. Soon enough her birthday would arrive. Those small things seemed to be the only good things about life.

She tried desperately to find something to hold onto. Olivia was gone; taken by her thoughts into some place far from here. She was here one day and then she wasn't. Courtney couldn't blame her for running away because she wanted to too.

My deepest darkest binds
When i close my eyes

Oh, how Courtney longed for Olivia's parents. They must be broken inside. Just like me, she thought, just like me...

The door shut behind her. Her sister laid on the couch. Her mother smoking again. She feared a life of addiction like her mother's; she feared a life of her father's anger as well.

Are the broken pieces of them stuck within the glass frame of my heart? She questioned.

She walked silently to her room as to not wake her parent's questioning. She was fed up with lying when they asked if she was okay. She collapsed onto her unmade bed and fell to tears. 

when i close my eyes
i see another world inside my mind.
i imagine things i can't describe.
a place to hide,
where i confide
my deepest and darkest binds.
i close my eyes
so i can hide.
so i may be blinded from my life.
so i can run in the imagination of my mind.
when i close my eyes

She closed her eyes and that's when she heard a deep whisper in her mind. She envisioned another world. A city made of tall buildings like New York. She heard Olivia speak to her.

"Come find me. Courtney, I need your help..."

When she opened her eyes she saw her bedroom ceiling but it was infested with moss and tree limbs. She stood facing her dresser. Gazing into her eyes there was something wrong. The person staring back was off; Courtney just couldn't put her finger on it.

"Wow,  wasn't expecting such a softy," her reflection spoke back. She was stunned so furiously she couldn't speak.

"Look! Dude, this is a counter-part. She's on the brink of tears and she just fucking got here!" She spoke to someone yet there was no one there. A tear struck down Courtney's face. Sadly, she didn't feel anything. She didn't feel fear or confusion. She felt nothing.

"Hello?" Courtney finally choked from her throat. "You know I can hear you, right?"

"She finally spoke! Congrats! Look, I'm here so you don't go into a panic attack. To be honest, that'd be awesome to watch." She laughed hysterically at herself. "You're already so fucking helpless," she added waving a hand over herself turning her into someone completely unrecognizable. Her hair went straight black along with her eyes. Her skin fell into a depressing pale white tone. She looked sick.

"Who... What are you?" Courtney struggled to find the right question.

"I'm Ally. The better version of Courtney. Well, I like to say I am. (because I am) I'm the basic, bitchy, edgy, version of her. I'm like her if she wasn't a pussy."

"You... You look sick," Courtney thought out loud.

"Don't act like you care. You sound like the mom I don't care about. Get out of my hair my hair with pointy ass nose of yours." Ally pointed to the back wall.

"Did I do something wrong," She asked.

"Yeah, showing up here," Ally said with such sharpness it almost cut Courtney.

"Ok."

What once was Courtney's bedroom window was now a door. The door wasn't covered in moss or dirt, unlike everything else in the room. Courtney cracked the door; She peaked her head in for a look. It lead to a... waiting room?

"Go in and wait for your turn,"
Ally's cold voice instructed her.

The floor boards cracked under Courtney's feet as she walked through the door. Inside there was soft chair reassembling those of a doctor's patient waiting room. She sat next to the only person in the room: a young girl. She seemed about the age of Courtney. Her head was pointed at her lap and her hair covered her face. Her arms were lost into the hair. Courtney assumed she was bitting her nails from the sounds of nibbling.

"Hello?"

Courtney stared at the girl searching for any sign that she heard her. She cleared her throat and asked again.

"Hello?"

"H-hi," she heard a mumble through the hair.

"Do you know where I am?"

"M-mr. Perkin's o-office," she stammered through her sentence as if she was afraid of Courtney.

"Thank you," Courtney's eyes fell away from her. She looked for any fragments of emotion in herself but there was none. She was void of any sort of feelings. No anxiety, no fear, no confusion. For once in her life she wasn't even depressed. No sadness. Painless. Nothing. Zero.

"May I ask who you are?"

"B-brea," she moved a little and Courtney could see her face. It was another version of herself.

"Wait, are you like a counterpart or something?"

"Y-yup. I-I'm C-cou-urtney's anxi-iety," her hands fell to her lap. She had bitten her nails so much her hands were covered in blood. They shook profoundly along with her left leg.

Countney broke her stare after the sound of a door opening filled the silence.

A male doctor spoke, "Courtney," the man's voice was littered with perplexity. She stood and followed the man into a hallway. While walking Courtney saw into rooms where other people sat with nurses being examined.

"Right in here," he pointed at the last door on the left. Courtney went inside and sat waiting. After a few minutes the door opened again. The man sat in a chair opposite of where she did.

"Alright," he let put a sigh. "I'll say this is the first time I've seen a counter-part have the same name as their host," he cleared his throat gazing upon a clipboard.

"Exuse me?"