The Definition of Fate

Chapter 52

"How long have I been here?"

"Just an hour."

"I'm tired," I murmur, lifting my eyes to his.

"Rest, Rach. It's okay. I'll be here when you wake up."

I wish I could climb out of this hospital gurney and into Josh's arms, away from the pounding ache all through my body and the IV in my arm and the incessant beeping of the monitor. My eyelids flutter and I feel exhaustion tugging me away from Josh.

"Josh..." I whisper, wishing I could stave off sleep and stay with him a little longer.

"What, Rach?" he asks, bending over me so I can feel the heat of his breath on my skin.

I struggle to force my lips to obey me as I whisper, "I still want you."

Before I hear his response, I lose consciousness again.

~~~~~

I awake to the beeping again, but this time my cognizance returns more quickly. I passed out. I'm in the hospital. Josh is here. I force the grogginess out of my mind--I need to wake up and figure out what's going on, and I can't do that when I feel like I was run over by a bus.

How did I get here? I know Josh must have called an ambulance and had me brought here. Did my heart give out? Am I sick? Will I make it? My heart pounds in my chest, faster and faster, as I realize how little I know. Why did I ignore all the signs, the faintness and the headaches and the dizziness? Why did I think I was stronger than I am?

In addition to the beating of my heart, I hear soft voices whispering around me. Josh is still here. He promised he wouldn't leave, and I know the value of his promises. I feel his hand holding mine. But there are other voices in the background, conversing in hushed, worried whispers.

I force my eyes to open and they flutter against the light. I look for Josh first, and I find him. He leans forward in a metal folding chair, elbows on his knees and his hand holding mine. I can see the exhaustion in his face and tired eyes. How long have we been in the hospital?

"Hey, Rach," he murmurs, touching my face again and bringing a smile to my face.

We'll be alright, won't we? I know the answer. We have to be. For both our sakes.

"She's awake!"

Someone screeches and flies toward me from the other side, and I know the voice before I see her face. Mom.

She leans over me and brushes my hair out of my eyes. Her mascara is smeared across her cheeks and her gaze is frantic.

"Rachel, honey, you're awake! What happened to you? Why on earth didn't you tell us you weren't feeling well?"

"Mom?" I try to figure out how and why she's here, in Columbus. "You're here?"
Dad appears on her other side, his forehead drawn in wrinkles. "Chloe called us and we came as soon as we could. How do you feel, sweet pea?"

My heart swells with Dad's words and his honey-brown eyes. "I...I don't know."

I realize I can't feel much beyond exhaustion and a foggy ache through my whole body. I know I passed out, but why? What happened?

I try to sit up, using the arm without the IV in it to push against the thin mattress of the hospital bed. "What's going on? What's wrong with me?"

Josh reaches for my shoulder and back and helps me sit up and I pull the soft blanket on the bed around my legs to keep the thin hospital shift modest. I feel a sudden desire to escape this sterile, empty place--I don't want to be here. I want to know what's going on, what's wrong with me, but no one will say anything. Mom and Dad trade concerned gazes, but I know them. They'll try to protect me.