a change of a human//Levi Ackerman x Ghoul! reader

forgiving

"thanks for not killing me" she smiles brightly at me.i couldn't help but smile back at her.i couldn't kill her, no i didn't.how can i kill a part of me?i ended up casting her away from my mind, and ignored her ever since.but she unlocked those memories, when i was unconscious.

i looked at the insane one was picking her skin, and kept twiching, lack of movement or something? "akria why did you cast out your other half?" i looked at the stranger who spoke 

" don't be mean" the child me look up at her.the stranger's  expression soften on the little girl but quickly went back to cold when she looked at me.she clicked her tongue and walked towards me."don't be mad at akria-san" the kid smiles at us both.

"you are really pityfull" she says stopping a few meters away.is she mad?at me?what did i do?"you don't know how much you pushed away just to act like someone who you didn't even start as.you almost killed little akria just because she was trying to tell you what you were doing wrong!" she snaps at me.her black hair flying everywhere with her movements, her blue eyes glaring at me.

then other me walked towards me, leaving a few inches of space"do you rememeber me?" she picked her lip.i shook my head "you created me when you turned into a ghoul.as you were changing i was too, you wore me as a mask.but when father returned, i ended up wearing you as a mask when you blacked out, i took full control.but i ended up destorying everything" her soft voice sent chills down my spine."i ruined everything, right?" i noticed blood running down her cheeks."i'm sorry" my other half hugged her leg, trying to comfort her.

"don't cry, it's not your fault" her child voice repeated, trying to cheer her up.i noticed something black flying around like dust. i noticed it was coming from the other me.she covered her face with her hands as she cried harder.

"it's my fault wasn't it!" her hands shoved away exposing her face, her eyes looking right into mines, i looked at her.just by looking at her, i pity myself with so many regrets.

i reached out for her.is this how much i was dying inside? how much i was hurting myself with what i was doing all this time? looking at her, i felt like i was looking in a mirror.she looked just like me, she had everything my height, my hair, everything!

i felt tensed as i pulled her insto a hug.i couldn't relax, i just couldn't"tell me it wasn't my fault! i only did it to protect everyone!but it was wrong because i made you a monster!"she cries.her words, why is she blaming herself?no is this how much i blamed myself?and i waited for someone to say 'it's not your fault' ?how much pain and regrets i was dragging as i walked forward, acting like it was nothing.pushing away people who tried to help.

i wrapped my arms tighter around her."i-it's not.it's not!i was just doing what i thought was right!" i felt tears running down my face."i shouldn't been so careless about my feelings!i pushed myself to the limit where i am meeting myself in my mind!i should have cared more about myself!i should have listened to her when she told me i wasn't fit for anything!i should have listened!" i yelled.i burried my face in her shoulder.

the comfort i been yearning for, the love and attention i wanted.i could have had it in my grasp but i let it go eveything i had it.the hug, it made me realize all my mistakes.i shouldn't have been cold to kenny when he came back, i should have let him explain at the least, then i would have been able to spend more time with him.

i shouldn't have left levi when he tried to bring me back, my only chance of being with him, slipped through my careless fingers.

my chance to talk to erwin, i ran away because i thought he didn't care.why am i so stupid?ewrin could have cleaned himself up before going outside, he is the hope that he can free the people from the titans.he has to be strong or people will doubt him.why am i so careless?why don't i want others to forgive me?

i felt someone grab my leg, i look down and smiled at the child."don't cry akria-san.i told you i would return once you learned" she smiled.

"you don't have much time" the stranger sighs.i let myself free from the hug and looked at the women.

"who are you?" i ask wiping my eyes.

"that's not important.we may be strangers but i am a part of you as well" her ghoul eyes actiaved and her kagune appearing.

"your the ghoul in my body" i stared at her.she looks at the child and pats her head.

"just because you became a monster or villian.you acted like you were immortal, but really you were breaking yourself piece by piece with what you done.i sent your other half to try to reason with you. but of course you were stubborn and ignored her.but seeing this, i know you grew and learned" she smiles sweetly."you finally realized what you were doing was wrong.perhaps you are a late to change it all or you can fix it all.you are strong, we all know it.you became a full ghoul yourself, if you can do that!that then you can end yamori and that docter!you can finally get the life you want, but of course, if you want.you can go back to tearing yourself or fix yourself with levi and everyone with you"

i look down at my child me.i smiled and patted her hand "thanks for not giving up on me" i smiled.i look at my other me "sorry for putting everything on you" i look at my hands.

"but the real question is, are you ready to forgive yourself?"