Public Diary

Bean💙

God it's so weird looking at your beautiful face. You've been through so much and 2 identities. You went from a beautiful nerdy girl with Auburn Brown hair, to a guy with short dark blue hair.

The blue suits your skin tone and eyes like the water meeting the earth and sand. To see those brownish green eyes boar into my soul as you smile, cry, laugh, rant, and die on the inside. Even though you're in pain, in a sick way I like the feeling of being there for you.

I know I say in a sick way because I kind of see it as if I'm saying I love when you're in pain but I don't. You see when you're in pain it's like I'm being stabbed in the heart by the nasty words you say to yourself and the tears you cry drown and suffocate me to death.

All your pain may hurt you, and I may hate it, but what it has made you grow into is.... It's amazing. You went from a girl that was cute but you could tell you weren't who you are. You blossomed into the most amazing and understanding guy I know. Yeah it's hard to live with your mom and sister calling you by what's on your birth certificate but God damn it! You will always be what ever pronoun you want to be called but guess what I will always see you as a guy.

It feels wrong to call you by your birth name. It's not you.
It's strange and in an uncomfortable way. Dick or not your a guy. I know this might trigger your dysforia, if you even read this but God damn I love you.
You need to hear this.

You went from a female, to non binary and gender fluid, then to my "non binary" trans lover. God damn if people stray away from you just because of who you are and what you do to be comfortable, they can go the fuck away.

When it comes to that life changing decision of taken that needle of testosterone, I will be there. I will hold you up in those times when you take those shots. When your body changes I'll be there to help you through the process. Hell I'll even pay for it all. The hair cuts, testosterone, hell even the surgery, and new binders.

I won't leave you. If you take the surgery I'll help you through it. If there is bad effects because of the shots I'll help you through it. All of it.

If I don't then what kind of girlfriend am I? You're my blue bean, sunshine and moon light, my rock, my run away buddy, best friend, and the best person I've ever fucking met. I will never hurt you. Even if it's to choose between my family/pet or you. I'd always choose to keep you alive.
You keep me sane.

Once we leave the city we will forever be banditos together.

I love you.