Sinclair

Chapter Forty-Two: Partner

The room Melissa used for her therapy sessions—the room I was guided to by the receptionist—slowly began to fill with people. I sat in one of the chairs in the middle of the room—the ones that were placed in a circle—and watched the people who came in with curious, alert eyes. These people were like me. It was a weird thought to think but it was true. All of my life, I believed there was something wrong with me, that there was no one like me. And yet, as each person came into the room—each of them different races, genders, and ethnicities—I was reminded that they were going through the same thing I was going through.

Many of them looked at me curiously, instantly sniffing out the new face in the group, but they each offered me smiles as they took their seats. In the end, there were seventeen of us in total, all sitting around in a circle. I felt the slightest bit uncomfortable, I'll admit it. Part of me was still a little on edge from being in unfamiliar territory. The rest of them, though, looked relaxed except for one. She was a woman around my age with smooth brown skin and curls that made me envious. She had a pretty face that was twisted anxiously, and she kept fiddling with the locket hanging from her neck. She looked up and caught me staring at her. She gave me a brief smile and I returned it before looking away at Melissa who was sitting down in the chair at the head of the circle.

"Hello, everyone," she greeted us. "As you've probably noticed, we've got a newbie here." She looked over at me, smiling encouragingly. "Would you like to introduce yourself?"

No, I wouldn't like to introduce myself but it seemed like I had no other option. Seventeen pairs of curious eyes were turned on me now and it was all I could do to not cringe away. I felt like I was fifteen again and being asked to present my project in front of the entire class.

I cleared my throat. "I'm Freyja."

"Hello, Freyja," everyone responded in unison. I'll be honest, it kind of freaked me out a bit. They reminded me of that one and only horror movie I ever watched about a cult. There was this one scene where the heroine entered the room and there were fifty people from the cult there waiting for her, and how, in the complete darkness, they gave her these creepy smiles and said, "Welcome, so-and-so. You'll like it here," in perfect unison.

The thought of that movie made me want to break out in hives.

Melissa smiled at me and then turned her attention to the rest of the group. "I know it's been a pretty long week for a lot of you. Does anyone have any stories they'd like to share?"

A woman with mousy brown hair raised her hand and Melissa gave her a nod to continue.

"I'm going on a date tomorrow night," she all but whispered, breathing in and out deeply.

"That's great, Sarah," Melissa exclaimed, giving that therapist smile that is part friendly and part encouragement. "How do you feel about that?"

"Nervous," Sarah admitted, closing her eyes tightly. "Part of me thinks that it'll be good like we all said, but the other part of me can't help but wonder if we'll end up like my parents did. It all starts off good, doesn't it? No relationship starts off with the two of you hating each other's guts, but they always seem to end that way."

I couldn't help but think, Amen, sister!

A man in the group raised his hand to speak and Melissa nodded.

"Sarah, you shouldn't keep living your life in fear. We have to take life one step at a time and maybe this guy can be your first step. I came to this program almost five years ago when I first met Chelsea. I already loved her back then but I didn't want to admit it to myself. Still, I knew I wanted to be better. She and I are married now and I've never loved a woman more in my life. Even though I struggle, she's there to catch me during the really bad times. I'm walking toward recovery one step at a time. The fact that you—the fact that all of us—are here says that we all want to change. It's not always going to be pretty, but change isn't bad either."