Sinclair

Chapter Six: Days Gone By

FOUR DAYS HAVE GONE BY without any word from Sinclair. He has not sent a single member of The Iron Order to come and fetch me nor has he shown up himself. Obviously, I'm grateful for this. I think to myself, he must have heard something in my voice that's keeping him away. Whatever he heard in my voice that is keeping him at bay, I try to be grateful for it. Despite all that, though, some part of me is slightly irked. Some superficial part of me is wondering how he could do all that—professing his love for me so candidly after a year apart—and then just give up the moment I tell him no. Perhaps his confession wasn't as honest as I'd originally thought. Maybe I didn't know Sinclair as well as I'd assumed and what I thought I heard was far from the actual truth.

Either way, I took this as a sign that I was right: love was something that could never last. Sure, you might feel it today or tomorrow or even a year from now, but in the end, feelings wither and die.

And even though I was the one who pushed Sinclair away, I can't deny that the prospect of his feelings for me vanishing stings.

Shit, maybe I cared more about him than I thought.

I do, however, keep up with Carla and Sonny. A couple of days ago—when I was in a Food Lion a little further in town—I found myself in the ice cream section, browsing through various Ben and Jerry's flavors and wondering which one I wanted when Sonny showed up out of nowhere. To make a long story short, we bought a couple of pints, took it back to my place and we ended up catching up for hours. He told me about his marriage to Rixon—a ginger-haired high-end lawyer who was on Sinclair's payroll. He told me about how he was the happiest now than he had ever been. When he asked me about Sinclair, I quickly dodged his questions. He gave me a look but stopped asking.

Like with Carla, it felt good to chat with Sonny again. Just like it had been when I walked into that bar, there were just things I never realized I missed until they were sitting right in front of me, staring me in the face.

It's around one in the afternoon now and I'm sitting on the couch in my living room, typing out one of the reviews for the latest book I've finished reading. Once I finish, I post it on my website and let the buyer know that the review has been posted.

As my stomach growls insanely loud, I realize I haven't eaten for a couple of hours and I'm currently running on empty.

I make my way to the fridge only to find that my stomach isn't the only thing running on empty. All that is here is a bottle of ketchup, some mustard, a half-full container of spoiled milk and a Dole fruit cup.

I sigh and close the refrigerator, going to grab my keys from the little coffee table in the center of the room. If there's one thing I absolutely hate, it's grocery shopping. I always end up putting it off for as long as humanly possible and then, before I even know it, my refrigerator is barren and I have absolutely no choice if I want to eat.

And it's right as I swing my door open all harshly—annoyed at the fact that there will be lines and walking and actual human interaction—that I come face to face with the very person I assumed I was rid of.

Sinclair's hand is raised as if he was about to knock before I swung the door open. He looks mildly surprised, clearly, he hadn't expected for me to swing the door open the way I had.

I internally cursed myself for just swinging the door open without checking to make sure no one was lurking around first. I had clearly been too cocky when I believed my words had reached him. I should have known. This was Sinclair we were talking about. A man who was used to getting what he wanted when he wanted and didn't stop until he had it. I should have known my words from four days ago had fallen on deaf ears.

And even though I had told him to leave me alone, even though I had told him nothing good could ever come of him and I in a relationship, I can't deny that little part of me that was so glad he was here. I couldn't ignore that tiny part of inner Freyja that was glad that Sinclair hadn't forgotten about me, that he hadn't gone out and found himself some other girl to take up his time like I had suggested he do.