Hello my lovely demons! Sorry that I don't keep you guys informed or posted. The good news is I'm not dead. Anyway I'm going to tell you all about what's been going on with me sense the last time I posted. Basically I moved to a new house, It is about 45 minuets away from where I lived before, I made a few human companions, and I have my own room finally. All that aside let's get down to what I'm writing for this chapter.
So over the past few months my anxiety has been getting out of control. I'm becoming anxious over nothing and small things.
An example would be a few weeks ago when I was doing dishes. I was talking to my sister and mother when I accidentally sounded snappy when I replied to what my mother said. My sister told me to watch my attitude in a stern tone. During all of this i was already on edge and feeling overwhelmed. I asked mom if I could take a break and chill in my room and she said it was alright. Once I'm in my room I put my cover over my head, just incase someone walked in. I put in my earbuds and started to listen to some music. At this point I'm on the brink of tears. My mom walks in and asks if I'm in okay, in which I replied in an unhelpful, shaky voice," Yeah, Mom. I'm just a bit overwhelmed."
I few hours later my dad was an idiot. He decided that once he got home that he would go in my room and ask questions like," Why are you anxious?" " Why do you got to be like this?". Before this I was calmed down a bit, but he started to make the panic attack come back and once he left my room I was back to my original state of panic. This is where me and mom talked about getting me a therapist.
It's been a few weeks and I went today to the therapy session. We mostly filled out paperwork and got asked questions like "Is there anything your afraid of?" "Do you have suicidal thoughts?" "Do you do self harm?"extra. She was really nice and everything but she asked a question that really hit close to home. " Do you fear death?" I couldn't have answered the complete truth so I said no.
The thing is not only am I not afraid, I wish I could die. The only things keeping me from greeting th Grim Reaper is know I have people who care for me who would be hurt if I just died, so I continue to suffer for them. I guess that's about it for my rant. Sorry if I'm complaining to much and am annoying you. Goodbye my lovely's.
Hey guys it's Blue. I'm sorry if I brought your mood down during this or sounded like an attention seeker. I assure you that I'm not I just would prefer to confide in my friends and people I will never meet than someone who I'm afraid wouldn't understand or make things worse. Please if you need someone to talk to if you are experiencing something like this or you need to get something of your chest then I am willing to listen and try to help. That's all. Until next time my beautiful demons. Bye.