The Diary of a Sex Freak.

Nighttime tease

The warm west coast breeze rolls along my car as I travel down the highway heading home. Its half past midnight but I'm not the only soul on the road. Another late night consumed me at the office,

"work work work". 

 I can hear you saying it in a high pitched voice, you hate these long hours and lonely nights at home but I always come around before the sun can rise. I pull off the highway and take a few turns in each direction eventually reaching our street. Slowing down and pulling into the drive way that needs repaved. 

"Damn sloppy workmen didn't do the job right" my head rhythmically turns left to right in a headache inducing speed. My eyes follow the broken and blistered pavement up to the off white garage and what was once supposed to be a white picket fence but has turned dark with the seasons in the midst of our young hearts dying. Our "dream home" was nothing more than a caked on powdered face; a woven ensemble of the sultry fabric of a facade. We had a disguise that we wore to the world but behind our front door we lived a filthy fucking lie.    

The car slows and the gears shift into park, I feel as if I'm on autopilot.  My head rest on the support and my view is focused on the car dash that reads 1:18AM the blue LED display scrolls some song title and the station that's been on mute since the afternoon hours of yesterday. You love listening to the music stations, I prefer the quiet hum of the tires on pavement. Driving is the only time I'm able to think, to be clear headed and not have to worry about the bills or my work. It's a pure moment of bliss for me when my heads clear, but as soon as that engine turns off I realize that I have to tune into the real world once again. All the bad things come rushing in at me. The late nights, us fighting, bills, not enough money, stress, sleepless nights, family, holidays, bulllshit and bullshit and more fucking bullshit. 

Gazing down at white knuckles the bones in my fingers crack as the steering wheel is released from my grip. "It's the stress", I tell myself.  The car is turned off, the last noise of the moment fades away and for a brief moment I'm swept away into the emptiness of the night. I step out onto the dry grass, it hasn't rained here in months and were in a drought. Who needs a green lawn anyhow I guess. The jingingling of the keychain bounces off the surrounding homes and cars, in the stillness of it all I feel as if I'm yelling into a microphone that is plugged into an amplifier but alas I know otherwise. It takes me a moment to get the key into the lock, its another thing we need to replace along with the porch, windows, gutters, siding,roofing and everything else with the house. It was once so nice, so lush, so full of potential but now its nothing more than a shit shack, a barn and a dump. I hate it, I loathe it. I want it to burn to the fucking ground. 

The door opens slowly, creaking like a box spring mattress on a metal frame, the walls reverberate the ungodly sound back to me. "Piece of shit" in a dull murmur of a throat dry from one too many pots of coffee. My routine is always the same - bathroom, food, TV, shower, and up to the bed we share but somehow feels so alone. We never lay together anymore, I realized that one night when you turned away from me without saying so much as "Goodnight". No matter how tired I am, when I lay down in that bed with you I always say how much I love you and that I hope you sleep well. I realized how cold you are to me, maybe were just drifting apart. I worry you don't love me but we've been together for such a long time now that our love has just grown old, like me. 

You're sleeping on your side when I come in the room, your cream white nightgown hugging your hips snuggly in its satin fabric. The fan is blowing the sheet around your legs, it must be humid tonight it feels about 80 plus in here. A low groan rolls from under the bed as my weight is shifted onto the mattress. You shift and the hem of your gown is raised to show your plump behind. It never ceases to amaze me how damn sexy you are. With just a low light shining in through a partially closed bathroom door I can still make out each and every curve your luscious body has to offer. I reach out for you, pausing momentarily to wonder if you'd pull away from me. The thought recedes as your nightgowns cool fabric is brushed by my fingertips.

The fan is blowing on your smooth skin and there is a  single bed sheet tangled between your legs dance in the puff of the breeze. I kiss the back of your shoulder and as my lips make contact with your skin a chill crosses them. The speed is up just a tad too high on your fan and your skin has absorbed all the cold from the air.  I reach down to pull up the sheet to cover you but it's caught between your thighs. A gentle tug and your thighs release the sheets, I watch as you move and they move with you. Everytime you've insulted them comes to my mind and plays like an old grainy camera video with horrid scratchy audio. You always hated how they touched and you were always trying new exercises to tone them down in size. You loathed how they never had that gap that became a trend on social media. You'd smack them and grab them and make them jiggle. Everytime you always seemed appalled by your body but everytime you shook a piece of yourself or held your body in your hands  I was always aroused by the sheer beauty that you held in your fingers. The handfuls of your curves and skin made me wild, you drove me mad with passion and desire. 

Every movement your body makes stirs up a portion of my self that has no control on the reality of this world. In that moment, all I see, all I know and all I want is you. 

My fingers glide along your waist, moving north and caressing your arm with kisses as I trail to your neck. Your light brown hair is loose in light waves and it falls so effortlessly when I reach your shoulders. You stirr in your sleep but quickly fade away again into a peaceful slumber. Every kiss I plant on your skin is a testament to my love for you. I slide closer, pulling my body into yours and tucking you away into my front half. You settle in against me and I tease my lips along your collarbones. At one point I thought I heard a small moan slip from your lips but in the whirring of the fan, the only other thing I could hear was my own heartbeat thumping in my ears like an army's march to war. 

It doesn't take long for you to get me excited, in more ways than one. The very thought of you sends blood flowing in different directions but having you here in front of me, has all the blood drained of my existence. You have a way of making me cave and crave to your every being. You know how to use your body against me and as much as I love having you against me, I prefer to be in you. 

My head is a fog, the only thing I feel is you. Fingertips brush against your waist and follow the pathway to your behind. So firm, so plump, so nice. More than a handful but not too much that stops us from making sweet sweet love. Your body is a gold mine to me and I want to spend a lifetime in your caverns. My lips follow a natural path to your neck line, I'm holding onto you for dear life and I never want you to leave my grasp. You begin to move, twisting and stirring in your sleep rubbing against me. My heartbeat stops dead in my chest when you turn around and tuck yourself into my chest. 

For a moment I do my best to not breathe, move, or disturb you so you may fall back asleep. Thoughts run wild in my head, with little blood flow, of grabbing you and taking you as you are. Holding your hands above your head and fucking you so raw and so viciously that the neighbors would wake. I want to dive deep into you, feel you pulsate against me and hear you call out my name like you're summoning all the power inside my very vessel but I close my eyes and plant a kiss on your head. As I drift off to sleep I wonder if you'd ever let me do something like that to you, if you'd ever be rougher in the bedroom. Who knows maybe one day when the sun rises you'll surprise me.