Broken-(A Loki Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Welcome back," Thor said as I walked past him. "Are you alright?"

"Why did Loki turn blue? What was that?"

"Loki wasn't born Asgardian. He was from Jotunheim, so he was born a Frost Giant. He changed when my father found him. He never told Loki the truth until recently. He didn't take it entirely well, and I think he often thought about it."

"Oh."

"Yes, it's a rather unfortunate circumstance."

I nodded before saying, "I'd better get going. See you around, Thor."

"Goodbye, Lady Lilith."

I walked into Loki's room and shut the door. I had tried to make myself feel like I was fine, but it wasn't working. Nothing I told myself was reassuring enough to feel okay.

"Fuck." I felt everything I'd tried to ignore bubble to the surface. I grabbed my dagger and threw it at the mirror. It landed right in the middle and caused it to shatter. The broken pieces fell all over the floor. "Fuck!"

I stood up and ripped the covers off the bed. I threw the pillows across the room. I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't say that I was fine and believe it.

I yelled as I punched the wall. I heard it crack, along with my hand. I held my wrist as I fell to the floor. My hand seized in pain, and I held on tight to it. "Idiot!" I yelled at myself.

The door burst open, and Thor rushed in. "What's going on?" he demanded. I wouldn't meet his gaze. "Lilith? What happened?" I began to sob, probably looking stupid.

"It hurts. I miss him too much. It hurts."

"Hey." He sat beside me and took my hand. I flinched, but I didn't stop him. "Come here." He pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as he examined my hand.

"I'm sorry, Thor. I'm so sorry."

"Shh, I don't blame you for anything. It's alright." He let go of my hand to go to Loki's bathroom and get bandages.

"I fucked up my hand, and my wings are shit, too. That's great. It's all fucked." He sat back down and wrapped my hand, making me wince. "I could have done more to save him."

"As could I. But now we have to learn to live with our mistakes. I shall never forgive myself for Loki's fate. I do not expect you to forgive yourself either. Just know that I do not put any of the blame on you. I am here for you. I always will be. I just do not want you to hurt yourself. I know it's hard, but he would never wish this pain upon you."

"Yeah." Thor pulled me into a hug, and I felt myself relax. It felt nice to have someone embrace me, even though it wouldn't be the same. Nothing would feel the same as it did when Loki held me. My eyes felt tired like they usually did after crying. I closed them and just laid there for a while. Eventually, I fell asleep.

******

It took me a minute to realize I was lying under water. The strange thing was, I wasn't drowning.

I pushed upwards, bringing myself out of the water. I sat up and brushed my hair back, but it wasn't wet. I stood, realizing that I was completely dry. I furrowed my brows, not sure how that was possible.

I looked down at my hands. The one was still scarred, but the other wasn't broken in the slightest.

I felt like someone was there, watching me. "Hello?" I asked. There was nothing around me but an endless pool of water. "Is anyone there?"

I heard someone walking through the water and turned towards the sound. When I saw him, I stumbled back into the water without a splash.

"Loki?" He smiled and offered me his hand.

"Hello, my love." He pulled me up from the water. I noticed that his hand was shimmering and translucent. I looked at him to notice that all of him was the same way.

"How? How are you here?"

"Unfortunately, darling, it's a dream. I cannot see you in reality."

"Right," I sighed.

"But do not think for a second that I am just a figment of your imagination. I am here with you. I will protect your mind from him as best as I can. I swear."

"I don't care about that right now. I just care about you. I miss you, Loki. I don't want to do this without you."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I cannot come every night. This is the only time I can venture this far, but it was worth every minute of it."

"You're so fucking cheesy." He laughed, and a tear fell from my eye. "Please, don't leave me alone," I begged him. He put his clear hand on my face.

"You are never alone, my love. I am always with you." He put a hand on my heart. "In here."

"That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said to me," I said through tears.

"I have to go, Lilith."

"I know. I love you." I pulled his face in to mine and kissed him for as long as I could.

"I love you, too," Loki said as a tear fell from his eye. "Goodbye, Lilith."

"Goodbye, Loki." I held onto his face as he slowly disappeared. When he was gone, I fell to my knees. I rested my face in my hands as I continued to sob.

******

"Loki," I muttered as I sat up. I realized I was in Loki's bed. I figured Thor must have put me there. I got out of the bed, noting that a few glass shards were still on the floor. I carefully maneuvered my way around them, pulling my dagger from the wall as I passed by. I went into the bathroom and met my gaze in a mirror.

"All of this happened because I looked in the mirror too early in the morning." I slammed my fist into the mirror, shattering it like the other. I had forgotten I had done that before and held my hand with the other. "Shit! You fucking idiot!" The bandages helped avoid more cuts, but that was about it. They were to flimsy to be supportive.

I checked a cabinet and found some extra bandages. I removed the current ones and replaced them. This time, I wrapped it tighter so that my hand couldn't move as much. I went back into the other part of the room and collapsed on the bed. As I laid there, I looked to the glass shards on the floor. My mind was racing with thoughts I hadn't had in a long time.

Don't, I told myself, but I couldn't stop myself as I picked one of the pieces up. I wanted to get rid of the pain. I wanted to cut it out of my body.

You told him you would try, another voice said. You're already failing. Just like you failed Loki.

I took the shard and held it close to my arm. I pressed it to my skin. It was cold to the touch. I held my breath as I dragged it along my skin, breathing out only when I pulled it away from my arm.

"Fuck."