Beautiful Mistake

~1~

When I was a kid my mother used to make me wear dresses and cute little skirts as she used to say. I never felt normal. I always felt like the outcast. I never felt like I was truly me. Hi, my name is Chance. That wasn't always my name. They called me Cheyenne, a name that made me want to curl up in a ball and disappear. It was just a shell of my true self. The constant reminder that I had gender dysphoria. I haven't told my parents because they've made it very clear as to what side they were on. From anti-gay riots and telling them they'd burn in hell to church every Wednesday and Sunday, I never had a choice.
So I never told them. I kept telling myself that it was just a phase and that I'd grow out of it but it never happened. That was when I was 10 and I am now 16. It's becoming harder to go to church or even eat with my family. The fear of being disowned claws at my brain and heart. The thought of losing the support of my only family crushes me. I just wanted a family that was more supportive and loving. I never understood why a God would hate something he created. The bible says he loves everyone. I just want to be a normal boy.
"Hey Cheyenne?"
That name made me want to die.
"Yes?"
My mom's sweet voice continued to speak.
"How was school today?"
I didn't know whether to tell her the truth or lie to keep her from worrying.
I chose to let her keep her sanity.
"It was fine. I passed my math test with a 95."
"I knew you would baby. You're such a smart girl."
I smiled slightly and continued to play with my food.
"Can I be excused?"
"But you've barely touched your food?"
"I'm just not that hungry dad."
"Okay honey."
I stood up slowly and took my plate to the sink and rinsed it off.
I headed up to my bedroom and put on a pair of basketball shorts and a sweatshirt to cover up my deformities.
I stood in front of my bedroom mirror and quietly whispered my name.
"Chance.... Chance."
I am not in the right body.
I wish I could change how I look.
I wish I could be happy for once.