Trigger and Bullets

bullet 28 - harrowing touches (part 1)

Whoa. Kanina gusto kong malaman ang mga iniisip niya, now that she spoke what was in her pretty little mind gusto ko nang patahimikin siya nang tuluyan. Nagising ang pinapatulog kong bad side ko. You know... my good nature was by default. That means I can switch off my default button and be bad.

"Look at you, calm and boring... I thought you'll be speechless when you speak what's on your mind," I said sarcastically with a fake smile. What she said hit home. Tss.

"Hmm. Sarcasm. Is that your superpower? You'll gonna be very useful," nakakairitang balik niya. Tiningnan ko siya nang matalim at siya hindi nagbago ang blankong mukha. Anong problema sa akin ng isang ito? Nakalimutan niya yata na pinagsisilbihan niya ako. However, what she said earlier---that 'weak' and 'loophole', really hit home because I knew that her words were true. Hindi ko inakalang ganito kapranka ang bantay ko. Sa likod ng isip ko hindi ko tuloy maiwasang ikumpara siya kay Dana at Canary. Well, Dana was perfect. Canary was weird---soft spoken in her normal days but bitch-tongued when holding a gun.

Luisa suddenly sighed and with furrowed brows I saw how her shoulders fell. "I'm sorry for my harsh words, Ms. Venice Lizabeth. I crossed the line, but I am not telling it isn't true. Fact is I am just concerned with you. Kakaiba ang sama ng mga tagapaslang kaya lahat ng sulok kinukunsidera namin ngayon. Noong sina Dexter ang pumupuntirya sa FDI hindi ka nila nagawang gamitin o saktan dahil nakontrol sila ni Dana. Ibang kaso na ngayon kaya nais ko sanang hingiin ang kooperasyon mo. Be careful and vigilant, iyon ang maitutulong mo ngayon," monotone niyang sabi sa kabila ng tapat niyang mga mata.

I crossed my arms and studied her resigned face. Crap. Ngayon naman kind words ang binabato niya sa akin. Hindi ko talaga masundan ang brainwaves niya.

Kunot-noo akong sumagot. "Hindi mo na kailanganan hingiin ang kooperasyon ko. What do you think of me? Suicidal, no self preservation kid? At huwag kang umastang kilala mo na ako dahil lang sa mga datos mo. I am more than what you see and what I display." I turned around and started walking to my unit. Nakakuyom ang mga aking mga palad habang mabilis kong binabagtas ang mga pasilyo.

This was a proof that truth hurts. Damn she was right; I was just a fragile girl displaying otherwise.

***

Days passed. Walang kakaibang nangyari sa Compound. No booms and bangs. No assassin has played peekaboo with me. Everything seemed normal like there were no really red lights to be afraid of. In spite of this, I knew that essentially nothing had changed. There were red lights.

Nakikita ko rin minsan ang aking ama na nasa kanyang kinagawiang seryosong sarili. He even approached me once---Christmas came early, asking if I heard something about my Mom. Nasabi niyang wala siyang ideya sa kinaroroonan ni Mommy dahil hindi iyon sinabi sa kanya ni Zeus. He really seemed innocent and unknowing of our entire situation. Of course, I just shrugged my shoulders.

Zeus wasn't back yet. Ang huling balitang nasabi ni Luisa sa akin ay tumungo si Zeus sa kinaroroonan ni Margareth at Canary. Hindi raw magtatagal ay muli siyang magbabalik sa Compound.

Everything was nice. Maging ang Math Professor ko ay natutunan na rin ang salitang 'back off'. Everything was fine except seeing Cole being a big jerk the past days.