Trigger and Bullets

bullet 22 - underneath

There Thisbe saw Pyramus' body

lying in a crumpled heap on the ground.

Rack with uncontrollable agony,

she took his sword and threw her body onto it.

 

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Bullet twenty two

I never wanted being in the center of anyone’s attention.

Okay, that was partly a lie. I knew myself and I fairly knew that I wanted attention---the righteous kind of attention. But not this gossipish kind of attention. Mula pa sa parking space ng Brent University kaninang umaga ay sinalubong na ako ng mga bulong at palihim na tingin ng mga nilalang, at maging sa huling subject ko sa araw na ito hindi parin tumitigil ang mga kaklase kong kasama ko sa loob ng silid aralan. For what reasons? That, I was not yet sure.

Maybe the snooping was because it was only this time again that I put my feet on the school ground. Gosh, did they miss me? Too bad, I didn’t miss these earthlings. I didn’t miss the cream walls and high ceilings of this school. I didn’t miss the green lawn and big trees that surrounds the modern buildings. I didn’t miss this brown wooden armchair.  In fact, I didn’t want to be in school again. Hindi na lang sana ako pumasok.

The bell rung at napatingin ako sa pintuan. Bakit ba kanina pa ako tumitingin sa pintuan? Bago ko pa mailingon palayo sa pintuan ang tingin ko ay pumasok na ang pigura niya. Agad na nagtama ang mga tingin namin. Nakangiti siyang pumasok at bigla nawala ang ngiting iyon nang siguro'y napagsino niya ako. Was she startled I was in school again. Urg. I will buy this school!

Sumunod na pumasok kay Ella ay ang aming guro. The moment he started the lecture I also started doodling on my notebook. Ganito ang ginawa ko sa mga nakalipas na mga subject ko.

The last I remembered, I enrolled in this school to find friends, to somehow fit in. The thought made me raise a brow. I had this belief that a Venice Fronda’s chance of getting a friend was higher in a less exclusive school. Now that didn’t make sense at all. What I only realized now was I wouldn’t fit in anywhere. Period. Maging sa FDI compound na malayong mas malaki at malawak kumpara sa Brent University ay wala na akong mahanap na tunay kong pinagkakatiwalaan, sa mas maliit pa kayang lugar. Facts be told (or fvcks be told), we give our trust to wrong people time and time again, either voluntarily or unknowingly, and these the same people had the tendency to leave us. Voluntarily or unknowingly.

There was an exception though. Dana Easton. Or she did betray me. Only that she betrayed me for the sake of FDI. It had been days since that fateful revelation.

It was clear to me now. May kliyente sina Dexter na ang pinatatrabaho ay ang kitilin ang mga matataas na miyembro ng FDI. Ito raw ay dahil sa itinatago raw ng aming kumpanya ang mas mabisang lunas sa cancer---na gawa ng isang maliit na kumpanya na binili ng aming kumpanya. Kung sino man ang kliyente nila, he was crazy. I didn't get it. Why kill the members if they want this drug to be in public's knowledge? At tumigil na sa misyon sina Dexter dahil 'sapat na ang napatay sa listahan'. I really didn't get it. And another thing, Dana said that my Mom affirmed that this drug was not effective. Crap, right?

My involvement was because of Dana Easton. That control freak! My Mom entrusted FDI to her. Maybe she knew she can't knockout the team of Dexter, so she joined the team to poison it from the inside. Pinalabas niyang ipinagkanulo niya ako at nakikipagtulungan siya kina Dexter. In no doubt Dexter wanted Dana back on their team because, first, she had knowledge of FDI, and lastly, it was apparent these two have something. Dana used me to save FDI---correction, to save Margareth, I mean.