Phan Oneshots

Im sorry

It's sad but gets better don't worry c:

I began writing.its all I could do.its the only way I could express myself.

"I'm sorry" I would say when you got in trouble for staying up to late skyping me.but it was worth it.

"I'm sorry" I would say when you would get in trouble from your parents for being home to late after being at mine for the day. But we would just apologise and carry on.

"I'm sorry" I would say when we went out on some nights,came home and fell asleep-to be woken by the sound of your phone ringing and your parents screaming down the phone line about how you should of told them you were staying. But we would explain and fix it.

"I'm sorry" I would say when you told me people were making fun of you for being with me. But we changed that.

"I'm sorry" I would say when I locked us out of our first apartment together. But luckily we started leaving a spare key outside the door,under the mat.

"I'm sorry" I would say when I would accidents smash something,or drop an egg,when we were baking together.But we would clean it up and laugh about it later on.

"I'm sorry" I would say when would accidentally do something embarrassing in public,in the middle of London. But you would just laugh and carry on walking.

"I'm sorry" I say everyday. "Sorry that I wasn't good enough" , "sorry that I kept you back" , "sorry that I didn't realise what you were going through" , "sorry that I didn't realise all if the hate you were getting" , "sorry I wasn't there at the time to help" and mostly, "I'm sorry that I can't bring you back".

I had been out, buying a ring. A silver ring, with 'forever,and ever' written inside.

I was going to ask that evening, but I came home to a note from you saying;

'Phil,

I do love you,I really do. And I'm sorry I've been such a baby about this. I'm a grown man and should be able to deal with hate. But clearly,I can't. Clearly I'm not good enough for the world. You deserve better,and I hope it's what you find. To be honest, you have kept me here until this point. Thank you. You saved me when I was younger,and you have kept me going for years, however today I received something I wish I didn't. I should of deleted it,but I didn't.i read it over and over,each time agreeing with it even more. Just writing this I feel guilty,I can image you sitting on the floor, your blue eyes concentrating on the letter. I can also remember the first time we met.i looked up into the same eyes and got lost.i couldn't help but kiss you. Phil, I love you so much, thank you <3

And please just move on and find someone better than me, you REALLY deserve it - Good bye for now, love- I am going. Don't come and find me,there's no need to,after all it will probably be to late. <3 '

I did go looking though.of course I would. I might if been crying and screaming for days non stop, but the second I read that note I was outside,running. And then that when it came to me.

It was sort if a vision. I could see you running towards the bridge,which goes over the train tracks. I saw you climb on top,waiting for a train, and when it did you jumped. I saw you fall , and that was it. There wasn't any remains of you, just your wristbands and leather jacket.

I suddenly realised it wasn't a vision. No,it was much more. It was reality.

I cried,running towards the tracks,people were screaming at me to stop, but I didn't listen. I may as well have gotten run over to at that time. The love of my life had died. Killed himself.

I was running, faster and faster just to see if your body was around. But no. It had disappeared. Gone.

I clenched onto your jacket and wristbands like there was no tomorrow. I was screaming out from the top of my lungs.

My face was soaked from tears. I just wanted to die. I wanted to fade away. IT WAS ALL MY FA-

-----

'phil? Phil?! PHIL!! Wake up!! What's wrong?!'

Phil sat up, his face streaming.

'What?' He whimpered, confused. He was breathing heavily and dan was worried.

'You were screaming Phil,crying too, what's wrong?, was it a bad dream?'

'More than that. I thought it was real' Phil said, suddenly realising that it WAS just a dream. A horrible, unbearable nightmare.

' what happened sweetie?' Dan asked pulling Phil closer and stroking his back,trying to calm him down.

Phil explained whilst hugging Dan.

'Oh.. well don't worry,I'm still here.and this is real life, you have nothing to worry about,my little lion'

Phil was still crying but he nodded,not letting go of Dan.

' come on, let's try to go back to sleep. I was having a nice dream,from when we first met. Maybe,if we fall asleep holding each other we will both have that dream,again.'

Once again, phil nodded. He was still to shocked to speak a lot.

'I love you Dan, forever and ever'

'I love you too Phil, until the end of time itself'

They shortly fell asleep together in each others arms,having a peaceful dreams about them and their future together.