In My Sister's Shadow-Book II

8. 'Please, believe me.'

In the pit of the night, sitting in the dark, cold room on a flimsy mattress, I rocked Zara and Aymaan to and fro. My eyes transfixed on the door, tears rolled down my cheek nestling into Zara's hair. I had to manage my emotions. All I wanted to do was scream and pull my hair out. Breaking down in front of them was not possible. How long would I have to sit here? Who do I turn to? Should I step outside and grab my phone? What if Suhel was sitting out there, waiting for me? I couldn't risk it.
"Is he coming back auntie?" Zara asked terrified and unable to fall sleep. I hushed her, her worries multiplying mine. Would Zayn return? He probably wouldn't for a few nights. I couldn't stay here alone anymore, it wasn't safe.
Eventually, Zara dropped off to sleep in my lap. I held her for comfort and warmth. In the silence I listened to my erratic breaths, the bitter stench of betel paan plastered in my nostrils. The seams in my sleeves torn and a sharp pain along my throat. Downstairs, the commotion continued of music, conversation and clattering of pans. Suhel could return with his friends, his work colleagues; I was outnumbered.
With no concept of time, rocking in and out of sleep, the sound of knocks on the door jolted me upright. Zara snored softly in my lap and the knocks grew louder sending my heart to accelerate.
"He's back!" I gasped, breathing erratically. "Please go away." I whispered begging.

The knocking persisted, this time it was hard with short kicks at the bottom of the door. Suhel pushed the door open with force, the chest of drawers moved slightly, he'd returned with superpowers, stronger than before. Putting Zara down, I jumped to my feet and pushed the chest of drawers hard against the door with all my force and might, but he was stronger holding the door ajar.
"Daddy!" Zara woke and cried. "I want my daddy!" She screamed out waking Aymaan from his deep sleep.
"Go away! Leave us alone!" I cried out.
Zara screamed unable to cope with the fear, and escalation. The harder I pushed, the stronger he pushed back.
"Go away!" I yelled.
"Zorro! What's going on?"
It was Zayn!
Relief coursed my body and like waterfall, tears drowned my eyes. I stepped back allowing Zayn to push the door open. There he was, six-foot-tall, filling the doorway with his hulking figure sporting a black bomber hat with brown and grey bear-like fur.
"The bad man came!" Armaan said.
"He was kicking the door, daddy!" Zara added.
Zayn looked at me for an answer, an explanation. The moment I opened my lips I broke down in tears unable to speak. I snatched his t-shirt and fell into him holding onto his strong figure quivering in tears.
"What's wrong?" he placed his hands on my arms.
I couldn't speak. I sobbed into his gritty t-shirt breathing in gulps of a familiar earthy smell broken into pieces. I wasn't strong enough to keep up the façade. Zayn held me by the shoulders and slanted me back.
"What happened?" His tone flustered furnaced with anger.
My cotton kameez torn from the seams, he tilted my chin looking at the marks on my neck. I didn't know the extent of the bruises and scratches until later that night.
"Zo'hra!" What happened? What is Zara talking about?"
My stomach twisted with bile when I thought of Suhel rubbing up against me. His words ringing in my ear. He won't believe you. You're a lying bitch like you're sister.
"Tell me!" Zayn growled.
"We can't stay here Zayn. We have to leave." I dried my red puffy eyes with the back of my hand.
Rushing into the bedroom, in a dash of panic I began to fill the bags with clothes. Something seriously bad was about to happen. I could feel in my gut, we had to leave.
"We have to go tonight. It's not safe here." Feverishly, I rushed around for their clothes forcing it into black bags perpetuating Zayn's anger. He snatched me by the arm and dragged me into the hallway closing the children's bedroom door. His face red with rage, lines formed on his forehead, his hand grip tight around my arms. He leaned in.
"What happened to you?" His tone in a low growl. "Who did this?" He held his hand wide.
I shook my head, unable to speak. "I can't-"
"What happened?!"
"It wasn't my fault. I didn't-" I pleaded to him, staring into his dilated eyes yearning he would trust me.
"Who?!" droplets of spit sprayed into my face forcing me to blink.
"I didn't know what he meant, Zayn. I promise you. I didn't. I wanted to help you I was-thinking-he said-it was good-not to say-I don't know-"
"Who did this?" He raised his arms above his head flicking his head back fighting to contain his anger which would be directed at me.
"He said he wanted to arrange a payment plan."
"Who?"
"The landlord."
"Mr Miah?"
"No-his son."
Zayn balled his hands in fists.
"He fixed the boiler and the heating in th-the kitchen." I pointed recalling the moment he sat on the floor playing with the children. "Then he said you couldn't pay the rent and he wanted to arrange a payment plan." At this moment I reached for his mahogany woody brown leather jacket beseeching his compassion and understanding. He wasn't looking at me-he glared at the kitchen door.
"I promise you Zayn, I thought he meant money. Please, you have to believe me." I held onto him forcing him to look into my eyes and believe me.
"Then?
"I wanted to help you. Tonight, he came here, he wanted me to pay. He tried to-" I sobbed. "I didn't know what he meant. Maybe it was my fault."
"What did he do!?" He growled.
"He said he wasn't going to let us stay here for free and wanted me to pay-as soon as I knew what he meant, I freaked out. I was terrified Zayn. I cried. He wanted me to-"
Zayn turned away, he looked into the lounge, his arms above the door.
"He didn't want money, he wanted........." I couldn't say it. The words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I just cried. So I tried again.
"He came into my room when I was sleeping and tried to- I said no-but he pushed me onto the mattress and then-" I broke into tears.
"He was all over me, if Aymaan didn't come in he would have gone all the way. He would have-" with my face buried in my hands I sobbed.
The laughter from below the floorboards ricocheted in my broken sobs, like they were all sitting around a table and relishing my misery. When I removed my hands from my damp face, Zayn wasn't there. I held my breath looking around for him. I opened the children's bedroom door and they were all nestled on the mattress under their blanket with fear in their eyes.
"It's okay." I cried in a quivering voice.
"I want Naani!" Zara pleaded.
I kissed her forehead and assured her that everything would be okay. Another lie. From below the floorboards, I heard a yell, like a war cry proceeded by shouts and clattering of pots and pans. It was Zayn.
"Zara, you be good for auntie. Okay. Don't go anywhere. Stay here." I ordered her.