A Lycan Fit For A Luna

Chapter 24 - Talks that Destroy the Soul

I pretend that I do not notice the way my heart flutters at his words.

"Well, I guess I would have been... more respectful to you." I huff.

"Exactly, and I lo... ahem, like  you the way you are." Alex tells me.

At this point, I do not know whether to be happy or insulted that he does not want our relationship to change. Surely he wouldn't mind it... increasing slightly? Becoming more... passionate?

"Also, I hate being the prince. I know people would literally kill to be in my position, when I would hand it over nonchalantly to anyone who deserves it, if it weren't for my duty to my people and family." He sighs. "Nine months ago I had a massive row with my father, who wants me to become more sensible and become king now. I refused, and he nearly disowned me before my mother convinced him to give me a year out to do whatever I wanted. I toured around before coming to this place, with my pack. The house was my mother's mansion, and some of my happiest memories have occurred here in these mountains. I came here as a child... before I became aware that I was a prince. My mother made sure I had a normal-ish childhood. I have always felt drawn here... so I came here to escape, with no-one knowing who I am, and no rules or expectations to follow. And then... I met you Phoebe. Everybody here fears me because I am a lycan, or falls to my feet because of my looks and status. Well, all except you. You continually defy me, continually piss me off, and yet I cannot get you out of my brain. You... you are my safe place Phoebe; you make me feel – feel alive. You do not – or did not – know my true title, and you do not respect me. You are insufferable, but also paradise to me. Promise me; promise me you won't treat me any different now that you know I'm the Prince?" Alex asks, clasping my hands in his.

For once in my life, I am rendered almost speechless. My heart is thundering inside my chest with an emotion I have not quite figured out yet, and I cannot decide whether I want to kiss him silly or push him away. One thing that I am sure about though, is that I feel tremendously sorry for him. I never stopped to think how much pressure he must be under, and it does not sound like he gets on very well with his parents – or his dad at least. It feels like he is struggling with the want to please his family, and the need to live his own, happy life.

"Ok." I whisper, my cheeks flushed at the thought that I mean something to him; really mean something.

"Thank you. That is why Lord Archer was here. Reminding me that I have three months left before I have to return... and I have to be mated... or I will have whoever my father picks for me."

"What?" I gasp.

"Well, before I can become King... I must have a Queen. My father is enforcing this. I want to find my erasthai, the one who really was made for me... but if I do not find her before the deadline... my father will choose someone for me. It will probably be the daughter of some influential Lycan. That is what my father wants... good connections. He does not care about my feelings. As long as it is some rich Lady or Duchess, bringing ties and influence to the crown, he does not care that I will be bored, unsatisfied, lonely and heartbroken. My father doesn't care about me apparently." He chuckles drily. "But I, I don't care what race or where my erasthai is. Lycan or not, rich or poor, she will be my queen. I am mating and marrying for love... nothing else."

"Well, w-why haven't you been, been out looking for her?" I ask unsteadily, trying to swallow the lump of slicing sadness in my throat.

"Before you came into my life... before I came here... I spent years travelling across the world looking for her. I never found her. I do not know where my intended one is. I lost hope, but then my father gave me the year to look for her and find myself. For six months, nonstop I searched for her... when I, I gave up... I came here and sulked. Started sleeping with random women again. Then... you came into my life Phoebe. Woke me up. I started to think... Anyway. Lord Archer came and reminded me not to get distracted. Three months and then I am out of here. So... you understand Phoebe? Three months and we won't see each other - perhaps never again..." He sighs in a strained voice, as if forcing the words out physically hurt him.

"Yes, I understand." I snap, willing him to stop speaking so I will not start crying. "Just... take me home." I whisper brokenly.

"Phoebe..." Alex starts.

"No Alex. I told you what's wrong, now fulfil your part of the bargain and take me home." I grit out.

I am thankful when he keeps silent and starts the car. Alex and I were never meant to be together. He wants his erasthai... and that will never be me. Why does this fact hurt so much? It feels as though someone has reached into my chest and ripped my heart out, and now I am left to pick up the crumbled pieces. I will never be good enough for Alex, so there is no point in even thinking about what could have been, if we were any different.

Three months.

Three months and he will be out of my life for good.

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Edited