You know the feeling when everything goes wrong, you are mad at everyone at your house and you have nowhere to go? This is me. Again. In the middle of the night, outside my house feeling horrible. I wish my best friend and also neighbour Luke was at home but he left and just when I thought things couldn't get worse, it started to rain. "Oh, what I lovely day" I said outloud.
But a car stopped in front on me and Luke came out if it.
- Oh my god, y/n! What happened to you?
- I don't wanna be at home tonight.
- C'mon! - he said and we got into his house - Why?
- I just had a fight with my mom and I don't feel like being at the same room with her today. It is so stressful.
- It's okay. You can stay here.
- Thanks, Luke. I would hug you but I am wet because of the damn rain - I said and he lauged.
- Well, you know where my room is. Go there and change your clothes. You can borrow my t-shirts and stuff.
- You are an angel - I said and went to his room.
I opened the closet and chose shorts and the "you complete me" t-shirt. I always loved that t-shirt so I thought "why not?".
I went to the living room and Luke was there on the phone. I didn't mean to hear but it seemed like something was wrong. He hang up the phone and so I sat next to him.
- Is everything okay?
- It was a friend. The results are up and I failed the test. I think I should quit.
- Luke, don't say that. You love music. You can't quit.
- I just hate this. I try and try and nothing goes my way.
- Just calm down and keep trying. You can do this - I said.
- Why?
- Why what?
- I just don't understand why you are so supportive and kind to me after all we've been through. And then there is my ex girlfriend who was never there for me, who laughed at me for everything and cheated on me. Why can't I be with someone like you? - he said.
- I think I should sleep.
- Are you sure? We didn't even eat yet.
- I jut want to sleep - I said.
- Ok, go to my room.
- No, I can sleep on the couch.
- Don't be silly. Go to sleep on my bed. It is alright.
- Okay, thanks Luke.
I went to his bedroom and layed in bed. I felt awkward and sad. I have been feeling things for Luke for a year or so. I tried to hide it and one day I couldn't do that anymore. So I told him and he said he only wanted to be friends. I am trying to be his friend but sometimes it is hard. Most when he says things like today. "Why can't I be with someone like you?". Oh, Luke, I don't know. Maybe because you don't feel the same? Maybe because people like me is no girlfriend material? Maybe because the idea of being with someone like me is not enough? - I thought to myself. And then the tears appeared. I tried to not make a sound.
Then I heard something. It was Luke. He layed next to me and hugged me from behind. He hold me tight with his arms around me. "Don't make a sound. Don't make a sound." That is what I thought but then it was too late. I broke into tears.
- Hey - Luke said and leaned on me - what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?
- No - I said - it's me. I can't do this anymore.
- What is "this"?
- Exactly.
- I don't understand - he was confused.
- I tried. Believe me. I just can't be your friend. It hurts, Lucas. It hurts to hear about your love life. It hurts to spend time with you when I have to pretend I have no feelings when the truth is that I do. I have feelings I wish I hadn't.
- But...
- I am going to leave in the morning. And I won't speak to you again. I love you, Luke. But I love me more.
- You can't do that. It is crazy!
- You know what's crazy? The way we laugh together. The way we hug each other. The fact of being on the same room at a distance, look at each others eyes and know exactly what the other one is thinking. That is crazy.
- I care about you, y/n!
- You don't understand, Lucas. I see right through you. I don't need to read the lines. I am always there. And no matter what I do, nothing is ever enough.
- You are good enough to me.
- As a friend - I said - I just want to sleep. Please.
He left the room and I felt awful. It is hard for me to do what I am doing. And I lied. I care about him more than I care about myself and that is wrong.
It was hard at first but eventually I fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning and looked at my phone. No messages. I went to twitter to see if everything was okay and I read something new on my profile. "You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away".
I went out of bed and looked for Luke. He grabbed me from behind and forced me to see each other face to face. Suddenly his lips where close to mine and we leaned for a kiss.
- I am sorry it took this long - he said - Don't leave. I love you.
