Wolf (UNDER SOME SERIOUS REVISION)

Chapter Twenty-Five: Trying

     As I lay there, time passing by slowly, I started to calm down. Say, ten minutes had passed, my body still on the floor. I was surrounded by broken glass, and the blood still fresh and oozing out ever so slow. I knew I hadn't hit arteries, but I knew the bleeding was bad. Those scissors were sharp. Another minute passed before the door creaked open.

     My head snapped to the side to see who it was and Lorenzo opened the door and walked through. He stopped immediately and looked around the destroyed room, his expression blank. I felt my tears dry up, "Where's Calla?"

     Lorenzo looked at me in shock, as if he couldn't believe I was saying that. "Seriously? After all that you want to come back? She's safe. I tucked her into bed."

     I was up on my feet before he could even process it, and had my hand locked around his throat. I pushed him all the way backwards into the hall and slammed him against the wall. I growled and bared my teeth, "You touched her?" I seethed.

     He gurgled and choked from the strength of my grip on his neck. I reluctantly eased up to let him speak, my wolf dangerously close to regaining control and ripping him apart. I knew I no longer had business with my wolf after the stunt he pulled with Calla, so I shoved him into a far corner of my mind. Lorenzo struggled against my arm, yet I knew he was holding back. He could've had me on the floor already and we'd be grappling for dominance, but he didn't.

     "Maybe you didn't hear me," his eyes were tearing through me. He gasped in a shaky breath, my vice still tight. "I put her to bed. Something you were too busy moping to do!"

     My nostrils flared and I tore his body from the wall, surprising him before I slammed him back on it again. His head snapped back and smacked onto the wall. He groaned in pain, his fingers that were wrapped around my wrists went slack and limp before he tried to grasp hard again to push me off. He squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a breath through his teeth in pain.

     "I hurt her. I couldn't control my wolf. I sent her away for her protection." I elaborated, leaning in close to make sure he heard that through all the bullshit floating around in his brain.

     His eyes popped open, his pupils dilating while one stayed. He clearly had a concussion, and a small part of me felt bad, but the majority was satisfied. The inner alpha in me was content with the pain inflicted for his disobedience. I usually tried to suppress the feeling whenever I'm forced to hurt someone or make someone submit, I didn't want to turn into my father. However I couldn't help it.

     I flexed my fingers on his throat, tightening the grip as I leaned in, making sure he could completely comprehend what I was going to say. "Stop trying to control the way I work. It takes a lot to get past all the shit in my own head, let alone hers." I growled, tapping my head. "Let me be the first to tell you to mind your own fucking business and get on with your life. Maybe if you found your own mate you would stop staring at mine."

     His expression hardened, "Is this what this is about? Are you jealous of me and her?"

     "Jealous?" I asked aghast and angry.

     "You always get pissed off when we're together. When she gave me her first hug, you lost it. I'm the one that always is there to entertain her because you're too busy. Maybe you should treat your mate like she is supposed to be treated and she'd start to open up to you." He grabbed my wrist and twisted it, making my grip falter. He whirled around and pushed me against the concrete, his hand around my neck now.

     I roared with anger at his move, but suppressed it to deal with the pure idiocy spilling out of his mouth. "I've been treating her the best I can. Maybe you haven't met her, but she's got some anxiety and PTSD issues which causes her to not want to open up. No amount of treating her nice will do that, I'm working to gain her trust, but every time I'm getting there something gets in the way. My father was the biggest setback yet, and I feel like shit already for allowing that to happen. You don't need to make me feel worse.

     "When you gave her that hug, yes I was hurt. It is understandable in my shoes to be a little heartbroken, but I got all of that shit out of the way. We fixed it. I apologized for making her feel like it was her fault, I told her it was okay. I know she still treads lightly because of it, but she's slowly warming up to me and what she can do with her freedom." I tried to push down the tears building up in my eyes thinking of how awful of a mate I'd been.

     "I love that she trusts you. If it can't be me it has to be you, there's no one else I would trust with her safety and security. I'm trying, Lorenzo. I really am. I've been nice and kind, I've offered to listen, I've let her know it's okay, I've helped her open up and become the little smartass she is... but it's hard. Sometimes I don't think I can help her get over her fears when I still can't get over mine. I feel like I'm drowning, but if it means I can hold her above the water that's fine. Just get off my back about it."

     I pushed his hands off of me and turned my back to him, walking down the hall away from the medical wing. I shoved my hands in my pockets, my eyes flooding over as the tears rolled down my face. I could feel his eyes on my back, burning holes into me. I sniffed quietly before rounding a corner, feeling the weight of his eyes on my body lift.

     I stopped, pressing my back against the wall as I broke down for the third time that night. I pressed my hands to my face and slid to the floor. I silently sobbed, my shoulder rising and falling. My chest hurt with the pressure of my bleeding heart beating agonizingly hard in my body, a constant reminder of losing Calla possibly forever.

     The tears flowed down my cheeks harder than they ever have. I had never felt a pain like this. Getting beaten never hurt this bad, watching my mother slowly fade away from my life didn't hurt as bad as this. It was like my mind and body were both on fire, burning slowly to make sure everything hurts the way it should. Sobs felt so familiar, like a wicked deje vu to my youth when my father had caused me pain before.

     He might've been the cause of our physical pain, but the mental pain was all on me. I had destroyed was hope I had for ever creating a life with her. Because I can't control my own wolf living inside of me, I now missed out on my entire life. Apparently it started before that, according to Lorenzo. Was I always a horrible person? I was trying so hard.

     Why can't anyone see I am doing my best? I was treating her right, giving it all of my time, effort and energy into being with her. I couldn't be away from her for long before I went nuts. It was impossible for me to not be with her, so what was Lorenzo talking about? Did she hate me before I fucked up?

     My body shook with the cries emitting from my mouth in weak sobs. I slowly slid until I was laying on my side, my tear and sweat soaked chest heaving up and down from the hyperventilating. I don't think I could survive if she left me. I never knew I was so attached her, but the mere though of her leaving felt like my burning heart was being ripped from my chest.

     I folded my trembling hands and looked up through the small skylight up at the moon and stars. "Goddess, please forgive me for the pain I've caused Calla. I've been an awful mate... I think she wants to leave me. Please convince her to stay," I cried. "Please don't let her leave me. I'm begging you, please."

     
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Thank you for reading!

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