Unfinished Business

Chapter 22

Lexa shifted in her seat again. Her back was throbbing something terrible from sleeping, well, barely sleeping, on the hardwood flooring in her new apartment. It might have seemed stupid, but at the same time, so was paying a fortune to stay in a hotel when you had an entire apartment waiting for you. At least now she had Clarke's air mattress - that would help. She would get a bed eventually, besides, a few rough nights on the floor wouldn't have killed her. The look that Clarke was giving her though, that just might do it.

Lexa swallowed hard and looked at Clarke again. Okay. She could do this. She could and she would, as soon as she figured out where the hell to begin.

"When did it start?" Clarke's voice broke the awkward silence that had fallen between them.
"Before I moved away," Lexa answered with a quick nod. Okay. That was probably a smart place to begin. "Anya actually thought that it was because of you," she added.
"Me?" Clarke's eyes widened. "What did I do?"
"No," Lexa shook her head, immediately realizing her mistake. "No. Not because of you, but, in relation to you or rather, the stress that I was feeling about you," she tried to clarify, "and about leaving you."
Clarke's eyes narrowed slightly as she noticeably bit down on the inside of her cheek. "How did it first start?" She asked, after a pause.

Damn it. She was already screwing this up. Watch your words.

"Pain, um... in my chest," Lexa answered with a nod, as she tapped on her sternum, already feeling a slight tightness taking hold. "I didn't know what it was," she continued with a slight shake of her head. "I just kept ignoring it."
"Smart," Clarke mocked appropriately.
"Yeah, well," Lexa shrugged and rubbed her eyebrow. "I was a little preoccupied, but then after a while, it became pretty obvious that it wasn't going to go away and it wasn't going to be ignored either, so I finally went to the hospital."
"What'd they do?" Clarke sat back in her chair and tucked a foot under her thigh.
Lexa looked at her and began rubbing the back of her neck. "You know," she shrugged again, "asked what my symptoms were, ran a bunch of tests – the usual stuff."

Okay, this was a little weird – just sitting here, attempting an open conversation with Clarke. Not necessarily bad, but weird.

"What were they? Or, are they?" Clarke questioned curiously. "Your symptoms."
"Really?" Lexa looked at her, her face twisting up a bit. Come on.
Clarke nodded. "You said that your body has a physical reaction," she recalled. "What happens to you?"
"Why?" Lexa questioned curiously. She couldn't help it. It was an odd question.
"Why not?" Clarke countered with a shrug.

Lexa tapped her foot a bit and tried to ignore the light, but now steady, ache that was throbbing in her chest. This was actually getting a little tricky. It was like being under a microscope. Should she keep it simple? Go into detail? What was the right way to explain? She didn't want to do this. Everything in her was telling her to end the conversation and either head to Lincoln and Octavia's or go back to the game. She didn't know how to answer or put it into words.

"It's okay," Clarke said, as though she could read her mind. "Just, go at your own pace."
Lexa looked up, meeting Clarke's eyes again. She could do this. She could.

Lexa brought her hand up and rubbed her knuckles firmly against her sternum, "Um, an aching, in my chest," she stopped and flattened her palm. "It spreads out like this and...um, then there's a tightening, like, in all of these muscles here," she motioned all around her chest. "Most of the time it stays there, but sometimes, it'll spread into my left shoulder and then down my arm."

Clarke didn't say anything or even change her facial expression.

"Other times, it's just random pangs," Lexa continued as she got to her feet and began to pace, unable to ignore the jumping in her legs anymore. "Just like, shots of sharp pain, firing off in my chest," she tapped her fingers, this time harder, against her sternum.