*all rights to the original author*
Some nights there’s just no sleeping. After Lauren left I had one of those nights. I liked her, and I hated that I liked her. I went to bed wondering how I could make myself stop liking her, but the only flaw I’d found in her so far was an abundance of confidence that I wasn’t sure wasn’t completely justified. There was no way to hate her. I could only hate myself because I couldn’t have her, and it was that wonderful thought that kept me tossing and turning all night.
I think I finally dozed off sometime after sunrise, and when my mother came creeping into my bedroom, it felt a lot earlier than the noon she claimed it was. "Rise and shine, Camila, before there’s not any shine left to rise to."
"Mom, I really don’t feel good. I think I’m just going to stay in bed today."
"You’re not sick, Camila, you’re wallowing. Moping around your room all weekend is not going to make you feel any better. Come on—up, up, up! I heard somewhere that Macy’s is having a sale. Let’s go pick out cute new outfits and get our nails done the way we used to." I have to admit that even though I knew exactly what she was up to, the offer was still tempting. I missed those spontaneous day trips I used to take into Chicago with my mom whenever one of us had a really bad day. But the thought of a cute new outfit brought on a whole new wave of depression, and I pulled the covers over my head. "You go ahead, Mom. I don’t have any need for a cute new outfit, anyway."
"We also need to hit the beauty supply store. You’re running low on hair dye, and your roots need a touch-up."
"And you don’t know what brand and color I use by now?"
"All right, fine," my mom said, refusing to let my face stay buried beneath my covers. "I’ll get some new clothes, and you can go crazy in Borders."
That offer was even better. I love reading. I didn’t always, but now I found it such a quiet, peaceful, relaxing hobby. It gave me the chance to read about people like me, even if they were just pretend. My mom, however, only saw it as an easy way to be antisocial and didn’t like the fact that I did it so much. So her bribing me with books meant she was truly concerned this time.
It was clear that she was never going to let me lie in bed all day, so I grudgingly got up. The next thing I knew, I was sucking down an Orange Julius in an overcrowded food court, trying not to let my mother see how much the noise was making my head hurt. She already felt bad enough to spring for eight new books, so she didn’t need to feel any worse.
I hadn’t really touched my lunch. After last night I wasn’t all that hungry. My mom noticed, but she hadn’t jumped on my case for it. I could tell she was still trying to figure out a way to cheer me up, and I knew she was dying to ask me about what happened with Lauren, but so far it was all just conversation that could easily avoid the subject.
"What if you got a job?" she asked randomly when it got quiet.
I just looked at her skeptically.
"No, I’m serious, Camila. You go to school, and that seems to work just fine. And eventually you’re going to grow up and have to get a job anyway. What’s wrong with you getting one now? It would give you something to do besides read."
"I like reading, Mom."
"Yeah, but you need to get out and be social more often. And besides, how else are we going to keep paying for all these books?"
"That’s what the library is for."
"Come on, Camila. Having a job is a normal teenage activity. You’re always saying you wish you could be normal, but you won’t do anything about it. You don’t have to make friends at a job if you don’t want to, but it might be a good structured activity for you."
