Letters to J

August 30, 2017

A week later:-

Amelia's P.O.V:

The waves crashing at my feet fill me with a sense of calm as my body soaks up the serenity of this beach which is also my oldest and dearest friend. I had come up here at the crack of dawn to say goodbye to my ever faithful friend. It was a bittersweet goodbye. This was my place. I came here when my parents fought and being in the same place as them became too unbearable, I used to come here with my brother for his beach volleyball tryouts and I came here with' him'. This particular spot by the jagged rocks, I showed my safe place to him and now like everything else in my memory, this place is also marked by his presence. Now, as I stand here all the memories flash by my eyes. "Him' running after me; chasing me, holding me in his arms at the edge of the big rock and promising me that he would never let go and would always be there to catch me. We would sit there for hours on end, just enjoying each other's presence. I would talk his ear off with pointless stories about my boring life while he would patiently listen and nod along to all my childish remarks and agree with me even on the most ridiculous of decisions. He said he felt accepted with me, and I did too, then why didn't he deem me worthy enough to be accepted in his better half of his life?

His father's words ring in my head as I make aimless patterns on the sand with my toes. The conversation he had with J after the night J spent here with me. He told him that he wanted to always be there for me, to catch me if I fell, even if his life depended on it. And he had played a tricky dice, when he realized his mistakes. Although he had gone back on many of his words and promises, this one he had kept, with his life on the line. And it had already cost me a lot.

I'm not ready to have my heart broken all over again. Yesterday, it had killed me to walk away from him without even looking at him properly but it had to be done for if I had gazed into his endless eyes, I would've lost myself again.

It's almost midday now and I leave for the airport in the evening today. Before going to New York I have to say goodbyes to my family and friends, but there is a sense of calm and peacefulness at the beach that has me hooked and anchored. My heart isn't willing to leave just yet.

The glaring sun warms my neck, the gentle breeze is catching up and blowing my blonde hair in the wind and the soft lapping of the waves on my bare legs, I never want to forget this feeling. After a month of being cooped up in that wrecked hospital with its dull white walls painting every shade of misery, the open beach is a welcome change. I make my way up to the rock, till I stand at its very edge. It is at a staggering height and I gulp in a breath before looking down into the sea. The rock dips right into the sea, with its jagged edge as if a spear. One wrong step and I would fall to my death.

I try to remember how it felt that night, I imagine him holding me in his strong muscled arms and how I felt at home. I'm broken out of my thoughts reverie when a strong gale of wind knocks me off balance and I'm sent hurtling forwards, I brace myself for the impact of imminent death but it never comes. Instead, pair of strong arms enclose themselves around my waist, jostling me back to safety. I turn around to see J, holding me tight in his embrace, almost choking me. I burrow my face in his neck and start sobbing, thankful to be saved.

"Don't you dare!" he says, in a firm voice, his fingers caressing through my hair and his other hand rubbing circles in my back.

"Don't you ever put yourself in danger" He warns me, in a pleading tone, of a man who has lost everything in life.

I look up at him and ask,

"What are you doing here?"

He holds my face in both of his hands with utmost gentleness, wiping away at my tears and says in a hoarse voice,