Letters to J

August 5, 2017

August 05, 2017

To,

"J",

The one and only,

The first thing that comes to my mind whenever someone mentions you is your unwavering gaze. When you look at someone and stare right into their souls and suddenly they feel bare, naked and exposed. Some people would find it unnerving but it's one of the things which lured me into the trap set by your enchanting gaze.

The attention you pay to every word that stumbles off of my tongue. You listen to every word, every phrase, and count every breathe as if you need to memorize it. And to this I would say, don't ever give someone more importance than they deserve. They start to think, they actually mean something to you.

So as we stood outside that community center cafe, I felt that gaze. That male gaze, which would make any woman blush .It, was you. But you got caught.

You were staring at me. Not my face or anything. It was as if you were reading me like an open book. You were invading my every sense, just by your unwavering gaze. I hadn't felt so unnerved by a man before. Your line of vision went from my eyes to every curve of my body till I felt that you had bared me naked. Not in the sense of undressing, rather you had found the cracks in my exterior and investigated every crevice of my fragmented soul.

When you realized I had caught you, you tried to stammer an apology but I was far too intrigued and  shrugged it off as curiosity. That was the first time you spoke to me, directly. And so began the never ending conversation between us. Now that I look back on that day, I sometimes think how did we ever become friends? We were so different yet so alike.

Now it may seem normal, meeting someone by happenstance but in my case it wasn't. I had always been the shy girl who hid herself behind books and her messy curls. The only friends I had were my childhood ones and for me to talk to you for hours that day, as if we had been friends for years didn't settle well with me. Apparently it didn't settle well with others either, as we later got to know.

And so two strangers turned to friends or so they thought. You evoked this sense of rashness, recklessness and boldness in me, that I didn't know I possessed.

And so, you, "J" became a part of my life. I feel like I should congratulate you for not just entering my life the way you did but actually residing in it. Many came and went away. You were one of the few who stayed.

'Thanks for being a constant in a sea of variables"

As the night descended deeper and deeper into the blankets of black skyline, I found myself unraveling  my soul, piece by piece to you. But you already know this, don't you? For when I was busy putting my faith in a complete stranger, so were you. The night progressed and we forgot about everyone and everything.

For those few hours we resided in the bubble of "A and J". We reveled in each other's company and even forgot our friends.

Like everything good, it was also destined to fall apart. Meeting you reminded me of my favorite poet' Robert Frost's poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay"

"So dawn goes down to day,

Nothing gold can stay"

Yours undoubtedly,

A.