How to write like a Pirate, Get readers, and other inspirational crap

Know you Audience. Covers, Tags, and Descriptions.

implying or saying you are lazy= this book will never get finished

It's not good= I'm self-conscious and just want you to say it's good even if it's not, but even if you do I probably won't finish it.

I just wrote this for fun = I'm going to stop updating when it stops being fun.

I have no idea what to do = I give up

I will write more if people want me to = If you beg me, I'll consider writing more, but I really just want attention.

I started this forever ago = I stopped giving a crap forever ago

This story is bad = just move along, or give me attention.

If you are interested read more = cry for attention, trying to be edgy and probably failing.

I know it's... = this story has issues and whether I fix them is debatable

Read and find out (and little to nothing else) = I'm too lazy to effort a teaser so I'm too lazy to edit or finish.

Don't steal my idea = Either A) it's happened before and I'm sick of it. or B) I think I'm unique but I'm really trying too hard and won't respect any creative criticism.

(One sentence teaser) = You get the idea just move to another book already. Hard pass, the rest of the book is probably just as poorly done

This is one of 'these' kinds of books = I can't write an effective teaser so here are the basics.

I'm new = go easy on the criticism, this isn't going to be that good, I'm new

English isn't my first language = expect typos, may not be terrible but may not be that good either.

(Overly Vague) = I'm trying too hard and have no idea what I'm doing

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Well, you get the idea. There are do's and don'ts. Here are some "just okay's." Things that if you pick your moment you can pull off.

If you were ranked in a category and you're proud of that, go ahead and stick it on the end. Show off a little, it may be tacky to some people, but others will like it. And you can prove you once reached the sky even if it's not near the top. Know your audience.

Instead of a teaser description you just put a quote from the book. This is easier to pull off with sequels in a series, especially if you pick a good one that really hits home for your audience with characters they should already know. These kinds of things never really worked for me but that's another piece of "know your audience".

Putting that it will be published. This is nice, but it's also a good and bad thing. One it means you actually give a crap, especially if you've completed the work. But it also means it might be taken down soon.

Samples. Or short snippets of books that are on sale somewhere else. This one is super tricky but not without its place. As a dedicated Wattpad creator I most likely won't do this. Basically, it means this is just the beginning of the book, and although the whole book isn't free at least it's finished. It also gives you a free taste of a published book. If you are already a known author this is better than if Wattpad is your first and only platform. Don't get cocky thinking that people who don't know you are going to come in droves to read and buy your book. This goes back to the posting consistently idea and building a community. If you have a large community and wattpad isn't your main platform this can be a good move to get your name out, but I wouldn't do this when you are trying to start and build a community on Wattpad as your main or one of your main platforms.