Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

4| From Pencil to Pen

Corey

As a part of the... life training I guess... that I was going through, Jessica suggested that I wrote things down into a journal. And she wasn't going to read them or anything, but it was there for me to feel like I can get things out and no one will judge me or sway my opinion. It's my raw emotions and my life through my eyes, no one else's. And at first I thought it was silly that I would write something and no one would read it. How is this supposed to help me if no one is going to be there to help me?

But the other night I started writing and I didn't stop. For hours the words just poured out of me and onto the paper, it felt great. I said things I was always afraid to say, I saw things in me that I was always afraid to see. It was refreshing to say what I wanted for once and not what I felt like I should be saying. I cried for a little and even laughed at myself. As I look back I see how many times I was wrong and all the lessons I failed to learn. It was quite eye opening to see what I've been through and to go over what I did and see where I went wrong.

So now I try to write a page a day. I wouldn't call it a diary, more like a log of my life. Just what happens to me and how it effects me and stuff like that. Even though I didn't want to do this I have to admit, this whole life coaching thing was not as bad as I thought it would be.

I hear my phone start to ring on the counter and I hoped it was Jessica but I see it was Jonny. So I set my pencil down and I pick up the phone.

"Hey man, what's up" I wonder.

"Lindsey wanted to get some people together and watch the Bears game, you in" he asks.

"Ummm yeah. Let me finish this...thing... and I'll be there" I say.

"What thing" he asks and I freeze.

No one knew about the whole life coach situation. The organization was torn between having to pay the personal relations person who's done some great things with the people but had no idea how to work the mind or to hire Jessica and hope she has the answers we've all been looking for for a while now. And this wasn't common knowledge that I was getting help, they wanted me to get better the best way possible and they think this is it. I don't want the guys to know I have someone who had to coach my life off the ice too.

"It's a thing I have to do for the organization" I say slowly.

"Yeah Corey, I got that much" he admits.

"I just... I'm writing" I say.

"At this point I'm afraid to know. Just come over in 2 hours and bring some beer" he says and I let out a sigh.

"Alright. I'll be there" I assure him.

We hang up and I look back at my book. I pick up my pencil and was about to start writing until my phone started to vibrate again. But this time it was Jessica and that made me smile. I pick it up and answer my phone.

"Hey there" I start.

"Hi Corey. I was just checking in on you, wanted to see how you are doing today" she says.

"I'm doing good. Got a lot of writing done" I admit.

"What are you using to write" she asks and I cock my head to the side.

"A pencil" I say almost like a question.

"I want you to use a pen" she claims.

"A pen? Why" I wonder.

"Because you can't erase it" she says. "I want you to use a pen for two reasons. One, because every thought you have is a important one. If you want it gone put a single line through it but it's still going to be there. Just like whatever you're writing about, it's always going to be there. And the second reason is because you can't erase these things from your life, they're your thoughts and if you think it's important enough to be written then it should be."

"That makes a lot of sense" I admit.

"Good. So what are your plans for the rest of the day" she wonders.

"Nothing much. I'm going over to Jonny's house to watch a game" I say.

"Right... who's Jonny" she questions and I laugh. I keep forgetting she knows nothing about hockey.

"He's the captain of my team" I explain.

"Right. Well I hope you have fun. If you need something don't hesitate to call" she insists.

"Actually... there is one thing" I admit.

"Name it" she says.

"I was wondering if you would go over to Jonny's place with me" I ask and the line falls silent.

"You want me to come hang out with your friends" she asks cautiously.

"Well you said that my relationships were important to who I am. Anyone I remotely care about who doesn't live in Canada will be there so you can meet them and see what I deal with every day" I explain.

"That would help" she agrees.

"Just... can you not mention that you're my life coach. The last thing I need is them finding this out" I beg.

"There's no shame in haveing a life coach" she insists.

"I understand that, but the boys, not so much" I shake my head.

"I guess we can just tell them we're friends" she says.

"Thank you" I sigh.

We hang up and she shoots me her address. And to my surprise she was in the same apartment complex as Jonny was so I tell her I'll be over in about two hours. I finish up my writings before changing and heading to a liquor store to get some beer. I go over to the complex and head to Jessica's apartment. I knock a few times before she eventually answers me.

I smile when I see her standing there waiting for me. She had on dark skinny jeans and a loose burgundy sweatshirt. Her long light brown hair was pulled into a pony tail and her big hazel eyes stare through me. She always looks business ready so at least I know she takes her job seriously.

"Is this okay" she asks as she holds her arms out.

"Yeah" I say softly. She looked more than okay but I don't believe I was allowed to tell her that.

"Awesome. Let me grab my phone and we can go" she says and I nod.

Just as soon as she leaves she returns with her phone in hand. We go up a few floors and up to Jonny's apartment where I can hear the guys being obnoxious, they did love their football. I didn't even knock and just open the door before letting myself in. I could tell Jess wasn't sure if she could go in or not so I place my hand on the small of her back before nudging her foreword. We walk inside and Jonny is the first one to realize we were here.

"Woah there, who is this" Jonny asks as he comes over to me. I quickly retract my hand from her back so I don't send the wrong message and I return to her side.

"This is my... friend, Jessica. Jess, this is the captain and my good buddy Jonathan" I introduce. 

"It's very nice to meet you" she says as she sticks out her hand.

"You're polite... I like you" Jonny claims as he shakes her hand back.

He introduced her to everyone else before we find a place on the couch to watch the game. The guys come over and say hi and talk for a little as we wait for the football game to start. She takes in everything around us as she analyzed it and made mental notes. I would kill to know what's going through her head.

"So what do you think" I wonder.

"You have great friends" she claims and I smirk.

"You think" I ask.

"I really do. There's some amazing personalities in here. You have a great environment to work in, I know you can't ever be feeling too bad" she insists.

"You're right. With these guys I never get too down. If I show it they pick me up" I smile.

"That's a good place to be" she claims.