FEEL FREE TO RAGE

97 4 5

by fucking-way

by fucking-way

CUT ME LOOSE

FEEL FREE TO RAGE [Debut Album]

1. Depersonalization
de·per·son·al·i·za·tion
/dēˌpərsənələˈzāSH(ə)n/
noun
the action of divesting someone or something of human characteristics or individuality; the persistent feeling of observing oneself from outside one's body or having a sense that one's surroundings aren't real.

PSYCHIATRY
a state in which one's thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself, or in which one loses all sense of identity.

(Y/N) sometimes experienced depersonalization after her final breakup with Mikey. Also, she wrote a song about it. Because yeah.

2. Fucking Forget Already
(Y/N) wrote this song when she woke up the morning after crying herself to sleep when her and Mikey broke up. She remembers that she woke up with at least 400 text messages from Gerard and Frank being so sorry, and how Brendon walked into her room with chocolate chip pancakes and a can of whipped cream for (Y/N), ranting about the fact that their parents weren't going to be home for a week since they went to the twins' cousin McKayla's beach house. She wanted to "fucking forget already" but obviously, she didn't.

ALTERNATIVE MEANING
She wished Brendon would leave her the fuck alone and forget she was there, since he was on suicide watch.

3. stopstopstop
(Y/N) just wanted everything to stop. Brendon to stop watching (Y/N) and go back to school. Mikey to stop crying and get over her,
(a bit hypocritical.) Gerard to stop being miserable and be happy. Lexie and Halsey to stop pressuring her to go back to school. Just stop.

4. Swallow The Bullet
(Y/N) wanted everything to just go back to normal. Her and Mikey staying up until 5:00 AM, talking about nonsense in her room as he twirled a lock of her hair. For them to go to school a few hours later, sleep deprived just like the rest of their friends and laugh at the dumbass teachers who yelled at them for falling asleep during class. Title? Just sounded edgy to (Y/N).

5. Polygamy
po·lyg·a·my
/pəˈliɡəmē/
noun
the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time.

A very hypocritical song, considering what (Y/N) did to Mikey, but it's a song about Mikey sleeping with Nicole. (Or at least, she thought it was Nicole at the time.)

6. False Hope
False Hope. Everything's just false hope. (Y/N)'s still hasn't gone back to school at this point, so she's just writing a bunch of songs in her bedroom with her blackout curtains shut and all the lights off, so you could barely see in the daytime. Mikey Way was (Y/N)'s false hope.

7. Demons
(Y/N)'s demons tried to get the better of her. Worked for a while, actually.

8. The Endless Darkness And Misery Of The Ocean Is Becoming A Bit Too Tempting To Dive Into Right Now.
(Y/N)'s depression was getting worse and worse, so she wrote more edgy, at the time, meaningless poems. During a few band practices, (Y/N) changed around some stanzas and lines, shaped it up, and turned them into songs. Although, that is basically what she did for every song on this list so far.

9. Lies
love
/ləv/
noun
l i e s .

10. ŁVST
How much (Y/N) hated Mikey. But still loved him. About how he's such a toxic person. But about how lovely he is.

11. Dear Mr. Lover Boy
Written at one of the band practices. Raven was timing her drums, Lexie was on the phone with Frank because he spontaneously called her, Juliet was replacing one of the strings on Lexie's bass because Juliet somehow snapped the A string, and (Y/N) was fresh out of her fifteenth day of university. She had left all of her friends behind at this point. She wrote a song on her current feelings about Mikey.

12. Over It.
Making assumptions on the last song title and meaning, it's about Mikey. But it's really about Frankie. (Y/N) easily got over Frankie, talking about how he wasn't long term material and how she probably just used him to try and rid her romantic and sexual feelings towards Mikey. Didn't work. Sorry, Frankie.

13. Polaroids [Bonus Track]
This was recorded and added onto the album two weeks before the album was released. When (Y/N) was starting to move into the CML house that was recently bought, she looked through all of her stuff that she owned, wondering if she should keep it or throw it out. She then found this spray painted matte black shoebox with a black Polaroid camera and a bunch of pictures. A very cartoonish, enthusiastic, bouncy feeling song about memories (Y/N) had with Mikey from 12–15 with polaroid pictures to show them.