[CLOSED FOR SUBMISSIONS] Stronger Than You (2018)

10. Scared and Confused

Written by:  joharateregeyo

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Please tell us your story 

I know that this isn't considered a domestic violence story, but I wanted to let everyone know my story.

See, I was in a relationship with this guy for about 3 to 4 years. Just like any other teenage/high school relationship, I thought that it would be perfect.

As the years passed and my mind matured, I started to realize that my boyfriend isn't the one for me. Why? He would always ask to "borrow" money for all the silly little things like magic card games. It was to the point where it was too much and that he'd owe me over a thousand dollars. He started talking about marriage, which I am not ready for and that he never really proved that he could provide for one at the least.

One year goes by, and I finally build up the courage to end things between us. He started crying and begged me back, but I didn't. It was one hell of a week after our breakup, not because I wanted him back but because of friends and family, specifically, mine, would always remind me of how he would be crying and how he looked suicidal.

During this week, an old friend of mine, whom I had a crush on before I started dating my ex, just got back into the island from the military. We started hanging out, and maybe it was just a spur of the moment that the feelings from the past began to resurface. During this week, my ex-began to court me with stuff toys and chocolates as well. But because I was with my ex longer, I decided to give him another chance.

When we got back, rumors started spreading about my friend and me, and I told him the truth that the feelings were still there. He was hurt but was willing to win me back again, but was that what I wanted? He never changed and went back to the same guy that made me pay all the food and necessities.

One day, I went to his house to drop off his food. When I did, he was very persistent to have sex. I gave him an excuse saying that I wasn't in the mood. I've always given him an excuse for almost two years now. I got frustrated and asked if it was because of my friend. I hesitated but eventually nodded yes. He was angry and told me, "How are you going to get over him if you don't let me do this to you?" He continued to be persistent and held onto my shirt as if he was getting ready to undress me.

After he was done, he left me to go to the restroom. I was on the bed naked and crying and told myself why I let it happen even if I didn't want to? I felt so disgusted with myself, and that was a cue for me to leave this relationship.

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What do you want others to learn from your story?

To this very day, I don't know if what happened to me was considered rape. I still blame myself for letting it happen. I never complained to anyone nor did I turn to anyone about this problem. My advice to you is if you feel like something is wrong, don't ignore the signs that roam around your head or you will regret it one day. Talk to someone because there is a friend who will listen. Even if that person is a friendly stranger.