Knowing You're There

Chapter 27

Over the weeks, the numbness faded in and out.  Some nights I found myself crying for Star.  I thought I was hearing her walk on the tile downstairs.  On other nights, I was feeling this strange sense of relief.  Star was no longer sick or suffering.  I didn’t have to pull her or hear her cough, clean up her vomit or smell it around her mouth when she came close to me.  Anywhere I sat, there was that feeling of emptiness in my lap.  

I learned to use my rockstar cane in school with confidence over time.  While it didn’t feel the same as being with Star, it came in handy when a few of the bullies tried to trip me at first.  When they realized it hurt when they got smacked with it, they left me alone. 

Sarah and Nay-Nay were as close as ever.  When we got back from winter break, he didn’t attempt to feed me any more cockroaches.  At that point I assumed that we were just being civil in order to keep the peace between Sarah.  We said hello to each other whenever we were around, and that was it. 

Kurt and I still flourished together.  In the middle of January we learned four new songs and were a huge hit with the coffee shop, which was becoming economically stable.  When it hit February, they were getting enough profits that Kurt was no longer needed as the one-man janitor.  He still helped out on weekends though, since he said he wanted extra cash to pay for our dates. 

 Now it was the night of the dance.  This year, by luck, the famous East Mountain High February Ball fell right on the most romantic day of the year.  Earlier that day, Kurt left a surprise of chocolates and roses at my doorstep.  Since I had no idea what a girl should get a guy for Valentine’s Day, I went with a nice card, and threw in a five-dollar gift certificate to Hug-a-Mug as a joke. 

After hours of shopping with my friends the previous weekend, I was able to pick out a comfortable dress.  They told me it was a dark red with a black line of sparkles that went across the fitted part near my waist.  I just like that it had a small bow on the left side.  Kurt was definitely going to love it. 

When it was time to leave, I put on my heels and kept going over the top of my head with my hands.  Mom was able to curl my hair and get it in one of those half-up-half-down styles.  Even though everything was sprayed into place, I still worried about fly-away hairs and bumps that could’ve formed at the top. 

Other than that, all I could think about was who would win the Cutest Couple award.  Every year at February Ball, the teachers would come together beforehand and, based on their observances, pick out a couple who they’d seen over the past few weeks, then deem them “the cutest.”  Aida said she was rooting for us, so I hoped that would help at least a little bit. 

However, we were still competing against every single other couple in our school of over a thousand people, and everyone wanted to win that award.  Each year, the winning couple would receive a picture in the yearbook, a plaque in the hallway near the main entrance, and enough bragging rights to last them until next year’s ball. 

Around seven, Mom pulled up in front of the school near the gym entrance, where Kurt said he’d be waiting.  I extended my cane and opened the car door. 

“Make sure that you text me when you’re ready to leave,” she said.  “Do you have everything?” 

I felt through my purse.  “Ticket, money, and cell phone.  I’m all set.” 

“Okay, have fun.  I hope you guys win.” 

I smiled and stepped out, shutting the door behind me and making my way over to the gym entrance, where dance music was already playing.  I stood by the door and waited.  No sign of Kurt.  I pulled out my phone and pressed the main button.