For the longest time

XI

It still struck me that even when I was walking with fucking Ed Sheeran by my side in big wide New York City, no one approached us. Then again, there was no one on the street, at least not on the ones we walked on, and this area of the city was usually empty anyway.

"Are you gonna go back on tour soon?"

Ed looked at me and gave me a shy smile, "I have to do a couple of shows before it all ends, but they're all in the US, so I don't have to fly anywhere real far until for a couple of months"

"Don't you get homesick?"

"I'm homesick all the fucking time, even when I'm home." He laughed, embarrassed, and focused his gaze on the ground while we kept walking. He started kicking some pebbles around and I just watched the little game with his feet. I knew what he meant, though. "See? This is what I was telling you about back in the diner, it's fucking depressing when I'm around you. Always moping around, I hate it."

I stayed silent because I didn't know how to reply. I didn't want him to hate himself or his words when he was around me. Suddenly, the cold air of the night felt too stiff, and humid, like it was hard to breathe. I turned my hands into fists, buried in my pockets, wanting the awkwardness to go away.

He still didn't talk.

"Yo! You're Ed Sheeran!"

A group of guys bumped into us, they looked like they were going to a party. Four six-packs, bags of chips and two bottles of vodka. The tall one was talking scrolling down his phone while the other two looked starstruck. It was a funny picture, especially because their jeans hung so low you could see their Walmart underwear and one of them had his baseball cap about to fall off his head, their eyes bloodshot.

"Hi." I think that word was that Ed could manage to get out of his mouth. I could see him trying to make an effort. I could see him struggling to get out a real smile.

"Man, your music is dope, man"

"Genius, legit"

"My girlfriend loves you, she's gonna shit her pants when she knows we ran into you"

I felt invisible while they took pictures with him and didn't even acknowledge my existence. But then I thought it was okay, it was actually better this way. I didn't want to get sucked into the world Ed clearly dreaded, so I took a few steps back, hiding in the dark. Ed's eyes looked for me and for a moment I swore he was freaking out because he couldn't find me.

"Man, that's awesome" "Thank you so much" "This is dope, just... fucking awesome"

They walked away, laughing and with a glint of light in their eyes. One of them rolled a joint so fast the smoke was already hitting my nose, they didn't look back. 

"Well... that was weird," I walked up to Ed and stared at the low-hanging-jeans club walking away, "they look like fun, though."

Ed smiled at them and then back at me, "yeah, fun is probably the easiest thing to find." We started walking.

"No, no, you go in. I don't feel like... you know..."

"Getting recognized? Taking pictures with fans?"

"Don't start," he laughed a little, scratching the back of his head.

I smiled at him, slightly punching his shoulder, "I'm just kidding. What should I get?"

Ed stood outside, sitting on the curb while he smoked a cigarette and I went inside the 7-11, heading straight to the alcohol.