A Hotter Touch, A Better F... Than Any Girl You'll Ever Meet

Chapter 17

His hands pushed my hood back and buried themselves in my still wet hair, tangling up there.

Mine went to his face, cupping his rough cheeks that easily let away the fact that he hadn't shaved that day as I massaged his tongue lightly with my own.

I never knew how long we were lying there on the couch, occasionally breaking away for air as we both started healing through the kisses, but the spell was broken when one of Brendon's hands left my hair and wandered downwards.

I choked back a moan as his touch hit home but reached down and caught his hand in my own. I laced our fingers together and brought his hand up to my face to lightly kiss his knuckles. "Not yet, Bren," I muttered, all of a sudden knowing that if this was going to work and wasn't going to be just about sex we needed time to build it up. And I needed more time to change.

He nodded and sat up, moving away from me a bit with our fingers still intertwined.

I was grateful because I can't say that lying there with Brendon, making out wasn't turning me on and I was pretty sure that another touch would've made me give in. The distance was healthy at the moment. "You know," I muttered, looking up to meet his chocolate gaze. I had to stop myself from starting to drown in those eyes. They were beautiful beyond anything. Why had I never seen those little things about him? "You probably have more things you want to know and I think we'd be better off having everything on the table from the beginning."

He nodded and looked thoughtful for a moment. Suddenly there was a pain and worry reflected on his face. "You and Matt, you haven't…" He trailed off a bit, apparently not comfortable with finishing the sentence. "Have you?"

I shook my head. "I stopped doing random people a while ago," I muttered, looking down a bit in shame. I didn't like the fact that I'd ever been doing that, much less the fact that Brendon knew. I hated myself for hurting him as much as I had.

He let out a relieved breath and nodded. And was quiet for a while. "Ryan?" he started again.

I looked up to meet his eyes again, seeing hurt there once more. "Why Matt? If you were confused or shit why didn't you just…?"

Once again I knew exactly what he meant without him having to finish the sentence. I sighed. "I considered it. Believe me I did, but if I'd reached a different conclusion and you'd been a part of it I'd have hurt you again." I sent him a weak smile. "I loved you too much to use you as an experiment."

He nodded again and smiled a bit. "Thanks, I guess."

I expelled a weak laugh. "You're welcome, or whatever," I answered.

"Never again, though?" he asked.

I shook my head, concurring. "Never again," I repeated his words. "I may be an asshole but I don't cheat."

He smiled and leaned forward to kiss me again.

I kissed back, settling into the comfort of the situation. A deep happiness settled over me. No words were needed, no sex. Just this closeness, the happiness that was so great that in its very own way it was tearing my heart apart.

I scooted into his embrace, putting my arms around him as he lowered us back onto a lying position.

He kissed my forehead before cuddling closer. "Let's sleep," he suddenly suggested.

I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"I don't think either of us got enough sleep last night," he explained before looking away a bit. "And I love waking up next to you."

I felt myself melt at the last bit. "Yeah, I like that too," I admitted, suddenly actually feeling sleepy. Then I rested my head against his chest and let sleep take me over, no longer having to worry about sleeping too close to him. Him knowing what he did to me had to be a good thing now, right?

******

"You didn't do it," Matt stated teasingly after catching up with me during, as usual, Fall Out Boy's set.

"Huh? What?" I asked, looking up at him.

He laughed. "You didn't do the deed," he stated again.

"How would you know?" I asked with a small smile.

"Come on, I'm Matt Good. I know those things," he replied with a lopsided grin. "Plus there's the fact that neither of you are walking funny."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm taking you up on some advice," I finally told him.

"Alright, what?"

"Making sex something important. I have to turn that around in my mind before having it with him again," I explained, quickly starting to blush again. "If I don't, I'll cheapen it. And by cheapening it, I'd be cheapening him. That's the last thing I want."

He nodded, the goofy smile vanishing from his place to be replaced with a sincere look. "You've come a long way, Ry," he said. "I'm proud of you."

I smiled slightly. "I'm getting there too."

"And Ryan?" he added.

I looked up at him again.

"If either of you ever need to talk about anything at all, I'm still here, alright?"

I nodded gratefully before turning and walking away. My boyfriend was waiting for me.