Starship: Rogue

Chapter Thirty

"PolyTech and SciOps," Carter answered, meaning the School of Polytechnics and Science Operations. "I started right after I was recruited, but I only got a couple of days in before we started the mission. Basically, I'm as much of a newbie as you." The barista brought over their coffees, and Carter smiled up at her. "Thanks." She turned to Adlai. "Oh, I forgot to ask you, who's your training officer?"

Adlai smiled. "Ripple," she admitted. "She's killer hard on me, but it's all good. And, well, because I'm Tactics as well as Combat, Rowan's my other trainer."

Carter chuckled. "Oh, crap. Girl, you're screwed," she said between giggles. "Both of them? They're going to kill you before your probation period's done."

Adlai smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I know," she said. "Who's your T.O.? I don't think I know."

"Gerrit," Carter said. "He's a complete know-it-all, but we get on okay. He's actually a really good teacher, even if he's physics and engineering, and I'm biochem and medicine. Indigo offered, but... I like working with Gerrit well enough."

Adlai nodded, tucking into her coffee cake. She understood almost exactly what Carter meant. Ripple might have been a stone cold bitch, and Rowan might have been the queen bitch, but they worked well together–they just fit.

When Adlai looked up again, she noticed that Carter hadn't touched her tea or her food. "Okay," Adlai said brusquely, setting her coffee aside. "Why am I getting the feeling that you didn't ask me here because you wanted to commiserate about our training officers?"

Carter looked up, frowning a bit. "Why?" she asked, rather defensively if nothing really was wrong.

Adlai crossed her arms. "What's really going on?" she asked, flat out. Pretences wouldn't get them anywhere. When Carter didn't answer, Adlai reminded her, "You're the one who wanted us to go out together to talk, and now you won't talk? That doesn't add up."

An ashamed blush spread across Carter's cheeks, and she ducked her head. "It's just... I keep having these dreams, now."

Adlai leaned forward, suddenly feeling sympathetic. "About the fighting?"

Carter nodded, then shook her head. "Oh, hell," she whispered. "No, about Nash. About what they did to him–what I did to him! They didn't even make me, but I stitched him up so they could keep torturing him. I was just so angry with him, for what he'd done to Rowan. And now he's dead, and maybe if I hadn't... I don't know. And, well, I keep thinking about Cailee, and how she's going to grow up without her father. No matter how big of a dick he was, she doesn't deserve that."

Adlai reached across the table and took Carter's hand. "Nash was a pervert, a terrorist and a rapist. Imagine if Cailee had grown up with him! Would he have ever laid a hand on her? And now she has a mom; she didn't before. She's a thousand times better off without Rowan." Then, speaking her mind and knowing it would hurt Carter, Adlai added, "Nash did the world a favor, killing himself. You can't blame yourself for that because it wasn't your fault. It was his, for becoming who he did."

Carter gave a watery smile. "How is it that I'm older than you, but you're the wise one in the friendship?" she asked, clearly trying to make a joke, but falling short.

Adlai smiled bitterly. "Because I'd lived a lifetime of shit before I was fifteen. Joining the army, and now the Rangers? That was the best thing that ever happened to me."

Carter wiped away a few years. "Me too. Despite the nightmares. But... I don't think I'll ever be able to get over this, you know? I'll always remember... what I did to Nash."

"Good," Adlai said firmly. "Because that's what makes you different to him. You have a conscience, telling you things like that are wrong; he didn't. Now, drink your tea."