Introverted Hearts // Josh Dun

chapter twenty three :: trying to trust

"Josh told me about your anxiety and I just wanted to let you know that you're welcome anytime and if you need absolutely anything, I'm always here."

"Thank you." CJ said quietly with a smile.

"I mean, I raised him," Laura pointed to Josh. "So I have some experience in dealing with it."

"We gotta get going, Mom." Josh told her.

"Here," Laura handed CJ the plate. "Have a nice night. Remember, you're part of the family now."

Once Josh and CJ were in the car, Josh immediately hugged her.

"I'm so proud of you!" Josh exclaimed, a wide smile on his cheeks.

"What?" CJ questioned.

"You went in there and you talked to people you don't even know." Josh explained.

"I hardly said anything." CJ argued.

"A few words is better than no words."

Josh and CJ were giddy and giggly as they entered the apartment.

"Jenna." CJ was caught off guard by Jenna, who was sitting on the couch. Josh was quiet as he wrapped his arms around CJ from the back. "I thought you had to work?"

"They called and said they didn't need me." Jenna explained. "I figured I would wait for you to get home. I was worried. You've been gone awhile."

"We went out," CJ replied. "I told you. We ate dinner, left around seven, then went out and got some ice cream."

"And didn't bring me any?" Jenna tried to joke, but received no reaction from either of them.

"I'm gonna go," CJ pointed to the hallway. "To my room."

As they walked away, Jenna heard Josh say that was awkward, followed by CJ shushing him.

"Are you sure you want me to stay?" Josh asked when he got to her room. "I know you and Jenna aren't on the best of terms and I don't wanna get in the middle of that."

"She just turns me into a different person now." CJ told Josh as she took her sweatshirt off and changed her jeans into shorts. "It's like.. I don't even know myself around her."

"Then why did you come back?" Josh asked.

"I can't just leave her alone," CJ replied. "I think I'm still working on forgiving her."

"Forgiveness has to be earned." Josh told her.

"She's trying," CJ shrugged. "It's just not something that is easily forgiven."

"I understand." Josh nodded.

Josh and CJ were settled in bed. CJ was situated on Josh's bare chest. They were both exhausted. Josh was about to fall asleep until CJ got up.

"Baby." Josh whined.

"I know you're tired," CJ replied. "But I need a drink."

"Come back fast," Josh begged. "Please. Before I get cold."

"You're still up?" CJ asked Jenna as she pulled a water bottle out of the fridge.

"Yeah," Jenna sighed. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" CJ was hesitant to ask.

"You know," Jenna said. "It's been hard."

"Jenna," CJ stood in front of her. "With all due respect, this hasn't been hard for you."

"I lost my best friend." Jenna defended herself.

"I lost every ounce of trust I had in Josh," CJ shot back. "He touches me and it's not his hands I feel. I try my best not to freak out on him because he didn't do anything to me so I hold all of my thoughts back until it's truly unbearable. You didn't lose anything, Jenna. You threw it away."

All the while, Josh was standing in the doorway, listening to CJ rant, looking back and trying to find all the times that he did not notice how uncomfortable she was. 

"I'm going to bed," CJ told a speechless Jenna. "Stop wallowing in your self pity and open your eyes."

Josh quickly scrambled to get back in bed, not wanting CJ to know he was listening.

"Sorry," CJ closed the door and joined josh back in bed. "I was saying goodnight to Jenna."

"S'okay," Josh opened his arms for her. "I'm still warm."

"I can tell." CJ cuddled close to him, rested her cheek on the crook of his neck.

Josh placed a light kiss on her head and stroked her hair until she fell asleep.