Regression

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*FREYJA ZELENE’s POV*

 

BreakFree

A week after Batangas.

 

Karaoke night with my crazy friends. This always takes us away from the world. December na din. Gumagaan na ang mga araw. Okay na kami ni Ethan, hindi man lang niya ako iniwasan o anuman. Pag weekends nagdadala siya ng pastries from his Mom. Pag kailangan ko ng kasama, nandyan siya. Ang mga kaibigan ko naman, agad agad na nasa tabi ko nang handa na akong gumala ulit. Kaya heto kami ngayon.

Someone put in Ariana Grande. Kumare na namin si Ariana because of her range that can be at par with Mareng Mariah, Mareng Whitney, Mareng Celine, Mareng Regine at Mareng Sarah. Gusto namin birit, makapigil hiningang songs, bakit ka pa nagKTV kung hindi ka rin naman bibirit.

“Grabe this song is awesome!!!!” my childhood friend, Axle shouted. We were all singing and dancing to the song, Sophie, Talya, Axle and I.

You were better, deeper

I was under your spell

Like a deadly fever, yeah, babe

On the highway to hell, yeah

 

I only wanna die alive

Never by the hands of a broken heart

Don't wanna hear you lie tonight

Now that I've become who I really are

 

This is the part when I say I don't want ya

I'm stronger than I've been before

This is the part when I break free

'Cause I can't resist it no more

Nadine and Julianne arrived just as another Ariana song played. Bihira sila sumama sa KTV pero they came tonight kasi free sila. I was busy taking tequila shots so I had stopped dancing and singing. Napansin kong tapos na ang kanta.

“Oh ikaw na to, Zelene.” Abot ni Axle ng mic sa kin.

“Huh? Alam ko ba to?” abot ng mic at tingin sa screen.

“Oo alam mo yan. Duet yan. Mamaya ako.” He proceeded to take some shots and refill the empty glasses.

I'd like to say we gave it a try

I'd like to blame it all on life

Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie

 

And we can deny it as much as we want

But in time our feelings will show

 

'Cause sooner or later

We'll wonder why we gave up

The truth is everyone knows

 

Almost, almost is never enough

So close to being in love

If I would have known that you wanted me

The way I wanted you

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart

 

My voice faded upon realizing the lines of the song. I was just staring at the screen

 

But right here in each other's arms

 

I didn’t realize they were all staring at me. Axle was shaking me.

“Zelene.. what’s wrong?” Nagising ako sa pagkatulala.

“Huh? What?” napatingin ako kay Axle. Nakatingin sa akin silang lahat.

“You’re crying.”

“What?” touching my cheeks. Hindi ko namalayan may pumatak na pala na luha sa mga pisngi ko. I wiped the tears quickly. “Ay nako sorry hindi.”

Lumapit si Nadine, Julianne and Sophie. Julianne held my hand while Sophie was touching my left arm, Nadine put her arms around me.

“If you love him, tell him.” Sabi ni Nadine.

Lahat ng emotions bumuhos sa gitna ng pilit kong ngiti. My tears flowed freely this time. Umiiling-iling ako.

“Wag kang stupid Zelene. Know a good thing when you see it. In this case you have it. You still have it.” Nadine and her no-frills words.

“Zelene, I know you don’t believe in One Too Many Night Stands that become real pero hindi ibig sabhin nun na it doesn’t happen. It’s happening to you. There’s no use fighting it.” Sabi ni Sophie.

“Oo nga, Zelene. Give it a chance. Zeke loves you for real. Jordan didn’t want me to tell you pero he found out earlier that Zeke will fly to Japan for a while. Magcclear lang daw ng mind nya. He changed when you got together, enjoy na siya with family, dati dadating lang sa kainan yun then aalis na, and he does silly stuff with his younger cousins and pamangkins na, it was like he loved life even more than before. Pero he’s changed so much after you guys … stopped seeing each other. Hindi na siya yun happy-go-lucky Zeke. ” Sambit ni Julianne.

“You didn’t notice sa sarili mo na naging genuinely happy ka while Zeke was around? Everyone could see the old Zelene. Yung full of life, bubbly, happy. Lahat sa iyo magaan. It wasn’t like when you were with Tyler. It was different. You were glowing and your eyes sparkled, lalo na when you were looking at Zeke.” Singit ni Sophie.

“Zelene, wag ka nga magpaka-playgirl ulit. Hindi na bagay sayo.” Sabi ni Axle habang naghithit ng sigarilyo.

“Axle, ang kaso dito, gusto man magpaka-playgirl ni Zelene. Eh isang lalaki lang naman ang nabiktima this time. Haha. For 4 months ha.” Tawa ni Nadine.

“Omg. Zelene, then i-for real na yan. Wag kang gaga. Hindi ka ganyan maglaro. Umiiyak ka na pala ngayon. At based on those tears eh wag ka talagang gaga. ” OO na Axle. Kung maka-gaga tong baklang to.

“Bakit lahat kayo alam nyo?” bulalas ko. Habang nagpupunas ng luha.

“Eh kasi in denial ka!” Sigaw nila.

“Ayoko ng feeling na to. Ayoko talaga.” 

“Wag kang stupid, Zelene. Hindi ka ganiyan sa kahit kanino man. No one has ever made you be like this.” Sabi ni Nadine.

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