MJ Fantasy- Traveling Soldier

Ch. 16

“Hm…”

“I’m so sorry. I didnt mean to be gone for as long as I was. If I had a chance to redo everything that has happened I would-“

I stop him shushing him and turning my head to look into his eyes. “Ssh, it’s okay.” I whisper crawling up to his face. “You’re here now. That’s all that maters.” I frown at him for a little until he realizes I’m staring at him.

“What?” He asks looking away as if he’s hiding his face from me.

He takes his hands away from me and shoves them into his pockets. “Michael… what happened to you?” I ask reaching out and retrieving his hands. Holding it up to my face I start to remove his gloves.

“NO!” He quickly takes his hand away and gets off my bed as fast as he can. This one rejection hurts me and more tears begin to swim in my eyes.

My eyes follow him as he walks over to the corner f the room putting his hoodie up along the way. He just ignores me as I call to him, repeatedly. He doesn’t turn nor answer. I sigh, “Fine you leave me no choice.” I fling the blanket off the bed. By the time I’m in a standing position holding onto my lower stomach, Michael has finally turned around.

His eyes widen as he sees me. “No! Alice what are you doing!?” He runs back over to me and helps me back into bed. I ignore his question and grab his hands in mine as I pull back down his hoodie. For the first time since Michael and I reunited I get a good look at his face. A really good look and… I’m appalled and worried about what I see. Scared even, for him.

“Michael,” He looks even more ashamed and embarrassed. Why? He shouldn’t feel insecure about how he looks. Especially around me. I mean look at me, I’m 6 months pregnant, huge and my breast were fuller than the first time he saw me. He’s still beautiful, even with… his burns, blisters, pink skin and battle scars. I look down at the hands I hold, slowly and carefully I take the gloves off. Once they’re removed I place them beside me and take in what the gloves and Michael were hiding. So this was the hand I was holding. I was holding Michael’s hand all along. His rough, blistred, injured hand. I bite my bottom lip as my breakfast is threatening to make an appearance. He’s missing a finger on one of his hands. His pinky finger.

Looking up I watch Michael’s face as tears escape his eyes as he looks at his ruined skin and missing fingers. To save Michael the humiliation, incase someone might walk in, and to keep my breakfast in I place his gloves back on. Before I place the gloves on though he whispers something, “How can you stand to look at me? To look at what’s left of me anyway?” His voice, it’s so full of pain and embarrassment. I look up into his eyes and slip his gloves on. When my hands are free I grab both sides of his face, but he flinches when I touch his rough skin. I’m about to pull away, but his encloses both of mine. “Don’t… please. I’m not broken. I’m not hurting anymore. Please don’t treat me like I'm fragile, I’m okay now.” He says crying.

My tears escape as I watch Michael, his once big, strong appearance has broken down to show off his sensitive, scared and embarrassed side. “Oh Michael.” He shouldn't feel whatever he’s feeling. He should… feel proud. So very proud. I hold his face tighter and bring mine closer to his eyes. He opens his eyes and stares into mine. I press my forehead into his and start whispering, “Michael… please stop. Why are you crying??” I ask sympathetically rubbing his arms.

He pulls away and stands up, crying harder, screaming. “Have you looked at me!? This is why I’m crying!!” He gestures to himself. “I’m hideous! I shouldn't even show my face in public! I’m a monster…” He whispers the last part as he hangs in head in shame.

My eyes widen, NO! No he’s not! How can he say that?! How can he think so low of himself!! “Michael, no your not.”

I reach out to grab his arm, but he yanks it away from me. “Alice, don’t you dare tell me I’m not. The fire, the attack, whatever you wanna call it, it changed my life. A life that I now want back. Do you think I like looking like this?? Do you think I love to hide in the apartment instead of going out to enjoy nature?... I-I cant even g-go outside without people p-p… point at me laughing or cringing when I come near them. Little kids… they run to me, some laughing, some asking questions and some just to point! Adults do the same, except they’re worse. They take pictures, they gossip and they take video of me running away crying. I cant go ANYWHERE without anyone making fun of me!! I’M FUCKING UGLY!! Why don’t you just admit it and tell me?! Tell me to run away and never show my face in front of you again because your embarrassed to be seen with me!!?? Tell me something other than I’m not a monster because I know I am.”

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Michael’s P.O.V

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All those people… the point, the laughing and the pictures. The pictures are the worst, especially when taken by kids. I cant go anywhere without getting something said about my face or body or ANYTHING! No one knows how much it hurts when people point and laugh at how you look. Do they think I choose to look like this!? Do they think I was stupid enough to ruin my face for my own pleasure?? NO!

I was insecure before the fire, but now.. it’s hard for me to show my face in public without crying. I’m more than insecure now… It’s more of embarrass and humiliated. Humiliated is more of a better word for what I feel, but I actually feel worse. I was the only guy that came out of that attack alive, but had to have surgery due to how messed up my face was. I had to have 3 surgery in the first in order for them to restore my face to it’s regular figure. But all they could fix was the structure of my face, they couldn’t take away all the  bruises, scars and whatever I have on my face.

It was the most traumatizing part of my life I’ve ever experienced. A nightmare. One that no person should ever have to go through. I cant even look at Alice. She’s staring at me with pity and sympathy. I don’t want her pity. I shouldn’t even be able to get close to her. Not after what I did to her. I left her for 5 years and no contact whatsoever. I left her all alone, until today. I’m not sure why she hasn’t started yelling at me. Why she hasn’t asked me to leave and never come back? I deserve it, I know I do.

I fall to my knees and place my head in my hands, not wanting to look into Alice’s eyes. Soon I feel a hand on the back of my neck and another on top of one of mine. I look up and find Alice sitting in front of me, bending down slowly to sit next to me on the floor. She pulls me into a long, hug and holds me there for a few moments. Not saying a word, but offering comfort and a shoulder to cry on. I sob on her shoulder listening to her occasional, “Ssh…’ or ‘It’s okay.’ NO one has ever offered me comfort or touched me like this for a long time. I feel like my mother might be here with me after all, comforting me with my father by her side. I feel their presence here. That’s how much strength Alice is giving me. I calm down and look into her eyes which are staring intensely into mine. She grips my face tightly in her hands and she moves to sit on my lap. Her stomach making contact with my arm as she tries to position herself comfortably to fit inside my lap. She wraps my arms around and her stomach than leans into me, “Michael,” She whispers after a while. I look down at her waiting for her to continue. She’s staring at me smiling. “Remember the day on the beach. The day we met…” I nod my head. After seeing Alice again my entire memory came back and it was like nothing ever happened to me. Like I never lost my memory. I even remember the smallest of things. How she looked the first time I saw her, how she looked walking in the water, even how she looked with no clothes on. I nodded my head and keep staring into her eyes as I feel myself grow confident and happiness starts making it’s way into my body. “Remember after we made love,” I nod my head a smile growing up on my face. “You had an active, amazing personality that was beyond amazing. Your sprit was full of enthusiasm and you enjoyed life and nature as they were.  You never asked for more for life, but… what I fell in love with the most was, how big your heart was. Is. That’s what I fell in love with. Not your looks, nor your appearance in public. I could give a fuck about what people think of you because the only thing that should matter is what I think of you and what you think of yourself. That fire can destroy everything a person looks like but nothing… nothing, can be strong enough to destroy what a person is like on the inside. Their personality, but most importantly, their heart.” Alice’s finger begins to trace my chest until it gets to my heart, but I don’t notice as I try to hang onto every word she just told me. No one… no one has ever told me such a beautiful and sweet thing before. The tears, of course, have increased due to what Alice had just said, but they aren’t sad tears. They are tears of happiness. She looks up at me smiling and, surprising myself, I smiled back at her. “I fell in love with Michael Jackson’s heart, not Michael Jackson’s looks. Now I want Michael Jackson to do the same. I want him to look within his heart and find what he most loves about himself. Not what he finds wrong with himself because he shouldn’t care about his flaws. Heis flaws make him who he is.” Alice leans in and presses her forehead into mine. I stare into her eyes and close my eyes, absorbing every little thing she told me, burying it deep inside my memory to ensure I never forget this little moment. With my little Alice. I hold her tighter and bury my face in her hair smiling and crying. She’s crying with  me, but tears of joy as well. “Michael I love you so much. I love you…”

I’m about to answer back when someone slams open the door and someone shrieks loudly,

"Mary Alice Royce!!!!!"