The Killing Joke

N°5

You hadn't even waited out any further words following that daunting sentence before essentially suffering the worst nervous breakdown of your entire life. Really, you had barely manage to force yourself silent in order to reach your room and shut the door before breaking out into near spastic crying. And if it hadn't been for your eyes already having shed a few tears that day you could have sobbed on for hours whilst huddled down in front of your door, face in hands and heart essentially evaporated into thin air.

Of course, now that things were hitting a new low, fate just found a way to dig rock bottom just a little deeper to fit you a comfortable grave. You didn't even want to think about it, you just wanted to ignore your inevitable doom and go back to Jamie in order to cry your eyes out there. But no, you had managed to ruin that, too. And for what? You didn't even know at that point, everything just seemed so utterly hopeless, so bleak, like life was now just a planned out story waiting to happen one excruciatingly slow step at a time.

Within a week you'd be married to the blandest, most loveless man in the history of the human race, probably end up having children within a years time, and if everything went as you dared to hope; die right after in order to avoid a long life as a queen beside a king you despised with every fiber of your being. Well, at least you knew you had it coming, not that that fact would depreciate your wailing.

However, what all made it worse was that cursed jester and his senseless words. Love? Hah! Ridiculous, that's what it was, absolutely risible. You knew that was something you would at most ever hope to find in your novels, because it was just that, a story; a tale, a lie you told yourself to feel less guilty about life. Any yes, that did sadly incorporate your lanky friend, too. Because if those romance novels where anything to go by, even in the slightest hint of manic fantasy, he was the closest thing you could relate to adoration.

And it made so fatuous for even considering the possibility of him actually, genuinely liking you as anything other than a forced, polite demeanor. In even contemplate it in that light made you felt like a little girl chasing a fairytale, like a kid running around searching for dragons and fairies in the woods because she had read about them in some book. Just that this dragon just happened to have the most gorgeous golden eyes and the stunning stories to tell.

-

It was late in the night when you woke up again, the nocturnal sky inked starless and black outside your windows. When you rose to your shakey feet, you realize you must have fallen asleep after sulking for a long, long time. Which probably was for the best, sleep was better than reality at this point. After all, at least your dreams didn't want to marry you against your will.

With still trembling hands, you found the courage to sneak out of your room, as per usual on nights you felt like you needed someone to talk to. But as you had expected, your jester didn't answer your knocking, nore your whimpering calls for forgiveness once you stood outside his chamber, he wasn't one to just forget such a major hitch in your temper; besides, you had learned that Jamie was awfully childish at times. So long he was bitter about something, it usually took awhile for him to talk to you again.

And so he did. Ignoring you for three days straight, not even doing as much as gifting you a mere glance from above when you passed him on the hallways. Yet you knew he was never far, your fool was too careful of you to ever leave you out of his sight for too long, not that he'd ever admit to that.

And you took it with a forced smile, since you knew trying to order him around would result in even more silent treatment. If he hadn't been so close to you, you would have just locked him up for a while, but you were way past that point; you wouldn't dare to do as much as make empty threats, and Jamie knew that all too well.