Why the Straight One? | Book 1 | bxb

Entry 29 - No Reason To Stay

"Elliot, I'm so sorry."

"There it is again! Sorry really doesn't help!"

"What do you want from me then?"

"Just let me forget for a little while that no one cares."

"I care."

"Then why won't you let me kiss you?" He has stepped forward again, until he was only a foot away from me. My chances of getting out were pretty slight.

"Because I don't care for you like that."

"So?"

"So I won't be your distraction. I'm sorry, but I'm married to Thomas, and I like him, okay?"

"What about Joan?"

"What about her? What about Alan?"

His eyes filled with pain, and he slammed his hands onto the door on either side of my head. I flinched, and tried to move away, but my back was already pressed against the door.

"How dare you bring him up!"

"Because you love him! What the hell am I supposed to say to him if I let you kiss me, or whatever else you are thinking."

"You know what? I don't think I'll ever see Alan again. So I don't give a damn about what you say to him."

"Yes you will! Stop acting like this. You're scaring me, Elliot."

He instantly dropped his hands, stumbling back as if in shock of his own actions. All the anger had died, and his eyes were filled only with regret.

"Alex, I—"

"Save it. I really don't want to hear."

I finally turned the doorknob, hurrying blindly out of the room. I felt tears in my eyes, and looked around me in confusion. Nothing looked familiar, and I didn't know where to turn. But I had to get away. Anything was better than that room.

So I took a turn, and started walking as fast as I could. I ran in to several people, but I didn't stop to apologize. I didn't want to talk to anyone, needing to be alone to process everything that had just happened.

Finally, I made it out into what appeared to me some sort of back garden. There was no one in sight. Huge trees lined the brick walls that surrounded the garden, and I sat down beneath one near the back. Leaning against it, I tried to calm my breathing.

I'd never been so frightened in my life, and this was Elliot. Elliot. My friend. Probably the most gentle guy you would ever meet.

I wasn't running because he kissed me. I could handle that. But it was the raw anger. The side of him that I'd never seen, and it frightened me.

And of course, the fact that Thomas ran out to find Joan didn't really help my emotional state at this point in time.

I don't think I've really cried in a long time, but sitting under that sheltering tree, in that secluded back garden, I finally let it all out. I didn't even hear the footsteps, or notice that I was no longer alone.

In fact, I didn't even know there was someone else there until I felt someone's arms wrap around me. I started, instantly trying to get out of whoever's embrace was holding me.

"Hey, calm down. It's just me."

And just the sound of his voice was enough to calm my fears. I relaxed instantly, and buried my head in his neck. He didn't speak for a while, just letting me hold onto him and cry.

"Alex, I only went out to talk to her. Nothing else."

"I'm not crying because of you. Not everything revolves around you."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Maybe I just enjoy crying." I wasn't about to explain it all to him.

"There is always that." His hand rubbed circles on my back, comforting me even when I wouldn't explain.

"You don't have to tell me."

I nodded, as we sat in silence a few moments longer. My tears had finally died down, and I was starting to feel bad about crying in his shirt.

"Thomas."

"Yeah?"

"I want to go home."

"We just got here, Alex."

"I know that, but I really want to go home. I don't like it here."

I sat up, and looked him in he eyes. He looked conflicted, but nodded in understanding.

"Neither do I. We did come here for Eva's birthday, but if you really want to go, we can."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There's no point in staying if we both don't want to be here. But what about Elliot? Isn't he why you came here?"

"Believe me, Elliot will understand."