And then it came.
I closed my eyes and heard raspy cries in the distance as I laid in peace knowing the deathly pains had stopped. Everything had stopped and moved in slow motion around me as I opened my eyes to the ceiling once again. Too weak to prop myself up and laid there with an expressionless face, listening to the little cries of my baby.
"Kitten, it's a boy!" H tells me as I render myself confused. All this time my doctor told me we were having a girl. I turn my head and see H holding the small screaming body in his hands, blood covering everything.
"What?" I whisper with what little energy I could conjure.
"He's a boy kitten, look how beautiful he is," H shows me the little baby that shook from all his crying as I laid and teared up at the sight out him. I hyperventilate at the sight of the blood on his as Harry cuts his chord and cleans him up. H lays him down on my chest and I feel his silky soft skin against my chest.
I feel his wet hair beneath my fingertips and close my eyes after calming his crying. I coo to him gently and lay on the floor taking in the peacefulness that had settled over me, truthfully I was a little out of it. I basked in the glory of feeling painless and holding my tiny baby in my arms.
"You did it kitten," H tells me kissing my forehead as we lay on the floor. Everything had melted away in the same moment, all the anxiety and anger that transpired only minutes ago was now just emotions of the past as we laid here on the bloodied floor.
"I did it," I whisper stroking his hair as he instinctively cuddles up on my chest. His tiny body is curled up on my chest while H rubs his back feeling the softness and sweetness emanating from the small baby.
+
"Does Harry ever want to see me again?" I ask H as I cradle our baby in my arms. After a trip to the hospital to check the both of us over we were quickly discharged after both my baby and I were cleared with a clean bill of health.
I look at the baby's soft features and notice traces and similarities that drawback to Harry. He had his pink heart-shaped lips and a little nose, a perfect carbon copy of him. He had soft brown hair and olive skin that I can assume he got from me.
He held my finger tightly in his hand while he slept soundly occasionally making little whimpering baby noises that my heart melted over. He was perfect.
"Do you think you will ever love me as much as you love Harry? Will I ever compete?" H asks me sitting up in the bed his eyes dripping with a bit of sadness as his green eyes illuminate with emotion and longing for acceptance.
"H, I love you, you know that," I tell him sitting up with him wincing from the pain of my lower abdomen that was still doing its best to heal from the pregnancy trauma.
"You didn't answer the question, I asked if you would ever love me as much as you love Harry," He persists as I try to conjure up what to say. He wasn't looking for me to tell him I loved him, he was looking to be validated, he didn't want to be the second choice.
"Of course I do but you have to understand where I am coming from when I say that I miss Harry. It's not that I don't love you but Harry was who I fell in love with from the start," I tell him hoping that he could understand my point of view. I knew things didn't end well the last time I saw Harry but I wanted him to see our baby, to hold him for the first time if it was even possible.
"No, you fell in love with me. I am Harry and Harry is me," H says getting frustrated at my answer.
"H, I love you I don't think you are understanding what I am trying to say-"
"Don't you get it?! Harry isn't real!" H blurts out breathlessly causing me to be taken back by what he was trying to say. I wasn't getting the full picture, I needed more clarity on his vague statement.
"What do you mean Harry isn't real? Of course, he is!" I shake my head contorting my expression waiting for some clarity only H could give me.
"No, he's just my split personality-"
"No, you are Harry's split personality. This is Harry's body, this is Harry's life, you are HIS personality," I tell him thinking that H is just manipulating me like he used to.
"Elle, Harry is me. The personality you call Harry is just a reflection of my younger self, he's my other personality. As soon as the abuse started he just appeared and he's been with me ever since," H tells me sincerely while I shake my head feeling the tears boil in my eyes once again. I was so tired of crying, I was starting to think at any given point I would exhaust my storage of tears.
"No, no, he is real and you are the second personality, don't lie to me like this. You are hurting me H," I hold my baby close to me and close my eyes hoping that once I opened them this bad dream would be over.
"He isn't, he's my illness. He is my diseased mind. I am the real Harry, Elle,"
"I can't sit here and accept that my entire marriage... my entire life was a lie! I can't do that," I cry thinking back to old memories that now were all fabricated. None of it was real because the man I married was never real, nothing was ever real. The man I married was merely an illusion.
"Harry took over my life, tried to steer me in a different direction because I was self-destructing. To some degree, Harry was the one that protected me all these years, if it weren't for my disease I would have already been dead," H or as of now, Harry said to me letting the information sink in. It was a hard to swallow pill and even now in this moment I rethought everything, I thought about my life leading up to all this, to the night I first met Harry, to the moment we had our first kiss and I can't help but believe it was all tainted now.
"The Harry I knew is just an illness... I can't stand to believe that! He was the man I fell in love with! I can't do it, I really can't this time Harry. I can't think about how this has all been some huge elaborate lie. That I fell for a diseased mind!" I hyperventilate losing my breathe while I try to regain it and bring myself back down.
"Then don't think about it, think about Kieran," Harry tells me touching the top of the baby's head who was still tightly holding my finger while he slept.
"I feel sick, I feel like I need to throw up," I tell him gulping down a lump in my throat.
"Hey, Elle, you need to breathe okay? Take some deep breaths," Harry coaxes me while I do what he says. "Just keep breathing," He says calmly as he guides my breathing to slow down my rapid pulse that throbbed.
"I feel like I'm dying from the inside out," I cry while Harry craddles me and pulls the baby and me into his arms doing as Harry instructed by breathing.
Just keep breathing.
N. I told you I was kicking up the heat! And I'm not done yet, we still have two more chapters left and both are equally as crazy😜 but let me know what you think! I hope you all are thriving, I'm drowning in work and school✌🏼
29| C O N T R A C T
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