YouTubers Oneshots - Everyday is Different

Save Me From My Mind

A/ N Note:
- This gonna be about one of Jack's egos, a.ka Chase Brody
Trigger warning :
* Depression
* Suicidal thoughts
* Self harm.
Have fun on reading!🙂

( Chase's P.O.V)
My heart dropped when I heard them.. I wasn't allowed to see them. Even if I didn't anything bad to them. I tried my best and my life depended only on my family. Well, I always wanted to make them feel safe.

But now.. They were gone. My heart bleeded silently out and the pain was almost like it got broken. Not like seriously as a real thing, but the pain captured my heart and the feeling kicked in. I knew what was gonna happen. My mind started to run like crazy. I looked at the wall. It was nothing I felt. The claws got so deep into my soul so that I didn't cared if something was gonna happen to me.

I lived.. but without any joy. It was always the same thing. The same words I heard all over again. But it didn't got better, I started to dig deeper into the worst feeling. It took my joy from the existence right away. I felt useless. I could just watch people go and come by.. But there was nothing interesting about it. I got bored because I already could figure what the person thought just by their expression.

The sound of footsteps. I heard my name and I kinda didn't knew who called me. I wanted to be left alone. My pain grew into a invisible monster. It ate my soul piece by piece, and the anxiety just popped out. I standed up, but everything was blurry. My heart raced a marathon when I started to walk. I had a obsession that someone could watch me. I saw their faces and the only one thing I could think was..

What was on their mind? I knew that something was up. The stares seemed to be angled at me. Everyone thought that the woman told the truth. But I wouldn't never hit a kid! She wanted only my money and I felt so done when it ended. There were no more fights. Yeah, people say every couple fought. But it was like she found any reason to scream at me. Well after the first kid we were already on the border line to break up. I never thought that she would blame me..

I loved my kids but she just got annoyed when I acted childish. I always had this trait and I didn't saw it as a problem but my loved one had a big issue with that innocent trait of my personality. The kids loved it and I had a very good relationship with them..

Even if I had a mess in my own mind. It all seemed pointless, and I didn't knew how to stop it. I failed a lot things even if I broke my own borders to give the best. When I still failed, I felt sad. I had to cry, and I truly cried my soul out. The tears filled my eyes when I realised what for a mistake was I. I lost my job and I started to record videos, and to be exact challenges. But I never really got any attention. I tried everything.

I tried to be funny when I wanted to shout my soul out, and when I wanted to throw things out. But the videos were like... Nothing for people? Every else video I uploaded got just ignored. The moment I realised it.. I got rid of my computer. I had only my phone but I didn't had any social medias. I had so bad anxiety and even a little thing triggered me. It only needed a bit of the trigger to make me feel anxious. I didn't contacted anyone anymore. Because people never cared..

Until you had friends- but friends? I had them. Well before I got the issue with her I had a lot of support. But they left. They lied and as soon they were gone I felt like I was gonna end it. I tried to think about how to end the slow torture that I had. When I woke up ...I never felt happy about the next day. I looked at the TV for a moment and my first thought in the morning was " Oh. I still am alive".

I never cheered the moment when I had to get up. I had no job and no future. It everything was like it never existed. And the deeper I got into the thought I could lose my kids the more I started to think about the end of my life. I didn't mattered to anyone if I would leave..