Byler one shots

16 part 2

He stops himself, somehow. He's actually very proud of how well he's doing. It's not exactly going the way he expected it to, but he’s doing a pretty good job of rolling with the punches. He's not freaking out, and he's not trying to force his tongue down Will's throat. His chest is heaving, and he's definitely going to have a full-blown anxiety attack later, but all in all, better than he could've hoped for.

He's talking, but he's not exactly sure what he's saying, just something to fill the silence, since he knows Will won't. He's barely even aware of what's going on until he's looking into Will's big eyes, watching the way his mouth forms around the word “Yeah?” like he's waiting for something. Hoping for something. It hits him that he'd just brought up kissing with tongue.

He's fucked.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, voice low. The next words leave his mouth with absolutely no permission from his brain to do so. “I could…I could keep going. Show you that, too.” He pauses, but remembers he has to give Will an out. He has to give him an opportunity to say no. He doesn't want Will agreeing just because he feels like he has to. “If you wanted me to.”

Will, apparently, wants him to, because the next thing he knows he's overtop of Will, begging for permission, trying his hardest to keep control of himself (because if he starts, he’s not going to stop. He’s not going to stop). He manages, just for a moment, to take it slow. Will's new at this, and he doesn't want to freak him out. He's just showing him how kissing is supposed to work, that's all. Mike knows this isn't real.

But then Will opens his mouth for him and every rational thought he's ever had is out the window and the only thing on his mind is kissing Will senseless. So he does. So he lets himself melt into Will and he doesn't once think about how much he enjoys it.

And maybe it's a good thing his mom interrupts when she does, because he's really not sure what else could have reached him in that moment. He's pretty sure he could've spent the rest of his life happily kissing Will.

Mike knows he likes kissing girls. And now he knows he likes kissing Will.

And now? Now it's a problem.

They eat breakfast the next morning in relative silence, and when his mom mentions it, he just mutters that they were up late. Jonathan, who's visiting for the weekend, comes almost exactly at ten. Mike smiles and gives Will a strained goodbye.

And then he freaks out.

Mike likes girls. He does, he knows he does. He likes their long hair and their soft lips, likes the way their legs look in skirts during the summer and the way their little giggles ring in his head all day. He likes the way Sarah Grady’s eyebrows quirk when she asks a question in math and he likes the way El smiles when she figures out a joke all on her own and he likes the way Stacy Benson’s long eyelashes curl against her cheeks when she rests her eyes for a long moment during 6th period.

Will has long eyelashes, too.

Which is a stupid thing to think about, because so what? So what if Will’s eyelashes are long or his lips are soft? Whatever. It doesn’t mean anything. Just like it doesn’t mean anything that he can appreciate Adam Taylor’s incredible abs when they’re changing for gym, not that he’s looking. Their lockers are close to each other, that’s all. Besides, even Lucas has commented on that, because his abs are just incredible. It’s just an objective, platonic fact. And it doesn’t mean anything that sometimes when they all watch movies together, he and Will end up next to each other on a cramped couch, and Mike can’t focus on anything besides the fact that Will is pressed up against his side, snuggled into him, warm and safe and comforting. And it definitely doesn’t mean anything that he can’t stop thinking about the feeling of Will’s mouth on his own, because he’s probably just kiss starved or whatever. It had been a while since he kissed someone. That’s all it is. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything.