Poems For People Who Don't Deserve Them

Fear

I scare myself sometimes. Because thoughts that have no right crawling into my brain at night taunt me until the sun is shining again. I think about scary things. Like possibly never hearing your voice again. Terrifying things like never being able to see your smile again or hear you laugh at a stupid joke you made. Horrifying images of me going on in life without you next to me. Not sharing a warm bed but sobbing in an empty one; one that just seems a little bit too large now. I have one too many pillows and one too many plates but I can't help but fluff the one you'll never lay your head on again or put food on a plate you'll never get to eat again. There's no point in stealing your hoodies if I don't get texts throughout the day asking where they are, how come I'm stuck with the cats they were supposed to be ours- together. Showers are cold. Late night dinners aren't filled with laughter and tired yawns, they're an excuse to be away from the bed that doesn't have you in it, a bed that I will lay in and your arms won't wrap around me and tell me that you're here, you'll always be... Here.

Yet, I know that as these thoughts suffocate me in my own bed, I know that you are sound asleep in your own, and you will text me good morning as the sun rises. And on some odd day of the week after two very long shifts at work, we will have that late night dinner and we will lay in bed and I will feel you next to me, and the fear is gone. And then I start to realize that the fear is truly just- of how much I am in love with you.