YouTubers Oneshots - Everyday is Different

In Beetwen- Alternative Choice ( Heaven)

It was like a knife to know my mom got through so much health problems. I never cared - YouTube counted more than my own family. I never gave her attention, and I always ended calls before she could say something about herself. I cried a bit..Why I didn't reacted earlier? I was so selfish... I couldn't say sorry to her. My heart broke into a milion pieces and I felt more than sad. The darkness came in and for a while I didn't saw anything. I only heard words. The same words all over again.
I felt like my soul is gonna fall apart and disappear. I thought  to myself I needed to stop. Finally it was gone..
Now I standed again up above the clouds. I could feel the souls from heaven. Maybe they called my name or maybe not, but it felt so peaceful. The warmth and calmness came from everywhere, every next soul gave me only a feeling of deep happiness. I wasn't sad, and I wasn't even mad. There was nothing. The clouds felt so light under me and everyone just floated.
I heard someone. No, better - I could sense it.

"Mark, have you decided?" The warm voice was whole different than the one from ( let's call it)  a creature.
" Yes, I did." I said.
"And?" he asked in a peaceful voice.
"One word." I told.
" Yes?" he asked again.
" Heaven." I said it with a slight sadness.
After the words I felt how my last breath was gone. I could hear the machines before I left. I saw the doctors panicked and rushed. My mom left without any words. I was really sorry for her. I wished she could forgive my selfish behaviour. I heard the loud alarm, which meant I just flatlined. My heart stopped. I didn't felt anything but I saw them. Jack was in tears. I knew it was hard for him.. I never wanted him to suffer. I truly regretted not giving him enough affection.

Before I could realise, the last thing I saw from Earth was my best friend. No I didn't saw my grave or something like that. I couldn't hear him but I readed off the lips. He told me to be happy out there and he even mentioned he's gonna miss me. I cried even if I was almost gone. The chapter was over and I didn't had any chance anymore to go back. I wished I could be a better person..
My heart felt painful even if I didn't lived. I just couldn't look at Seán. He broke down, and he could only take my hand and say goodbye. And I knew I didn't had any luck to get a last chance to say that he should go on and forget about me.. I didn't deserved to be remembered.

I didn't got a real chance to change my behaviour. I was so blind and I made them only suffer. But when I flatlined I truly understood the power of choices. You couldn't brush it away, like it was gone. I couldn't wipe his tears which fell on my asleep face. I could feel them. They broke into my soul, I could hear the screams from inside. But..I knew it was better for them..
[..]
A few weeks passed. Suddenly I saw Seán and his friends.. They talked and I was able to hear them. I wasn't there but I could see and understand what they said. It really moved my heart when Jack told the words I never expected.
" I really miss Mark.. Since he's not here with us.. maybe he's somewhere else but I wish he could be here.. I forgave him it all..But well..Now he's gone" - he said with a deep sadness in his voice.
I wasn't completely  gone, even if after I chose heaven-  I still was a ghost but I could contact them in some way. I wasn't a human being, but I knew I felt like I still was. I messed a bit around with the TV  and I finally found a way out to write a message down. I wanted to make something clear.
" I'm not completely gone. I'm still here"  -said the message.
Jack looked exactly at the place where I standed. I could sense his blue eyes. Even if he wasn't able to see me as a ghost I swear I could still get  a weird sensation when he stared at me. Maybe I sticked to that feeling. I really felt like he watched me. Like I couldn't hide from him anymore.
" Mark, I am grateful for that message. Even if you aren't anymore someone alive, you still didn't forgot me.."  he said.
Well.. How could I? He made me want to change but it was too late. Now I had a new home and I didn't needed anything but I truly still missed the feelings. The power of life, and the sensations in my body when I did something crazy. I loved adrenaline and I thought it was a big pity that I couldn't sit down in a roller coaster and feel the wind in my hair. I couldn't feel me walk,I just teleported myself. And I missed the simply feeling of the sand under my feet..
I knew I'm gonna visit them more often but I already knew there was no turn back from the moment.

I hoped Jack would find a new way to be happy. Even in afterlife ( that sounded so weird!) I still truly cared. I changed but I did it too late. Maybe if I noticed it earlier, I could decide for life. But now.. I had to go on with my memory in my soul. And my connection to the persons and things was still there in back of my mind. I hoped I could figure it soon out how to communicate better..But for now, it was the time to get back into the clouds..