Crying Red Amaryllis

A petal for every second I'm not with you

Warning: Blood, Death, Panic Attack

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Lance came to with the feeling of the world moving past him as he fell out the healing pod.

Steady, strong vines wrapped around him, grounding him in place. He felt comfortable like that despite the cold metal pressing against his skin. Shiro was holding him. A scent of oranges and machine grease permeated in the air.  Hunk.  Lance opened his eyes, blearily looking about. A mop of messy, golden brown hair just over Shiro's shoulder.  Pidge.  A blur of white over his other shoulder.  Allura.  Coran must be that blob next to Allura. Lance registered the frowns painting their faces. Everyone looked anxious. Worried. They shouldn't be too worried about him right now. He's fine.

"Hey everyone..." Lance murmured with a crooked grin. "Miss me?"

"Yes!" Hunk nearly sobbed, pulling Lance into a bone crushing hug. "Don't you ever scare me like that again, you hear me?!" The big guy trembled, clearly traumatized.

Lance chuckled painfully in his embrace. "Hunk. Buddy. Pal. I can't breath--" Hunk let go quickly, guiding Lance to sit by his pod. He rambled an apology and multiple questions of how he was feeling. Lance smiled a little, seeing them all there. A few mirrored it back. Friendly faces who were concerned for his well being. It was a nice fee-

Wait.

Why did  they look so worried? "Guys? What's going on?" He registered where he was for the first time. The infirmary bay. "Why was I in a pod?"

The paladins shared looks. Pidge broke the silence first. "You... you don't remember?"

Lance cocked a thin eyebrow and frowned. His everything felt fuzzy. "Last I remember... we were infiltrating a galra base..."

"And it went horribly wrong." Allura's tone spoke of sadness like it was her fault. Shapes defined. That is to say, he could see her clearly now. She still looked beautiful even if her eyes rimmed with red. She'd been crying. "I'm so sorry Lance..."

Horribly wrong? What-

It all came back to him in a flurry.

The mission. Challenging Keith. How empty the place was. The ambush. The guns. The fighting. Fight or flight instincts screaming run. Acknowledging the instinct and bolting for his life while protecting his fellow paladins. Staying on the base, using the excuse of his challenge with Keith to cover the idiot's butt because he knew Keith would get himself killed if he stayed alone. Teasing Keith. Getting shot. Blood. Feeling dizzy. Blood. Falling to the floor. Blood. Attempting to apologize to Keith. Blacking out.

It was too much, too fast. Everything hit him like a freight train, knocking his thoughts out of order except for- Keith. Where was Keith? Lance's eyes darted around. No mullet in sight. Why hadn't he noticed? Keith wasn't there. The mission had gone horribly wrong. Keith.

Keith was dead.

The gang must have noticed the sudden shift in his mental state as he went looking for Keith amongst them. By the time they tried to act, it was too late. Lance couldn't hear their pleas. Pleas for him to calm down and listen. He could see their mouths moving, forming silent words of comfort.

He's dead because of me.

Lance must have been clawing at his ears, his hair. Hunk's hands gripped his wrist to force him to stop. The smallest drop of blood stained Lance's nails. Serves him right.