To New Beginnings | #ToAllTheBoysContest

Dear Bubbles,

Dear Bubbles,

As I lay here staring at the ceiling at 1:33 a.m., shedding tears, I realize that I don't need to be with you. But it kills me to admit that the idea of holding you, calling you mine, and loving you will remain a distant memory that I carry with me forever.

I didn't expect for my science lab partner to become my object of infatuation, but you did. And little did I know that we would end up sitting next to each other in English class, or that you would become one of my closest friends.

It was the realization I made when a friend asked if I liked you and I knew I couldn't deny it. I had a crush, no big deal. It was the realization I made from those slightest touches and bumping elbows, the laugh that you made escape from my lips, the burning in my chest when you complimented me, the way my cheeks would tint red whenever you came a little too close. I had more than just a crush.

You were all I ever wanted. You were there to text me all day, to recommend songs that I would never have chosen myself, to tease me endlessly, to give me a hug when I had nobody else. You opened up to me when you didn't have to, told me things that I value with my life. I treasure those conversations, just like I treasured you.

I just miss you. I miss what we used to have, somewhere in between a friendship and a relationship, but never defined. I miss getting to know you, your stupid jokes, and your long hair. I miss that one moment of time when it was just us, looking at each other across the dance floor, both in the arms of another. I miss the smile that only you brought to my face and I miss the same smile you had on yours, even though you wouldn't admit it.

And I miss so much more, but it doesn't matter because I miss the person you used to be before you met her.

Sometimes I cry when I think of you now, but I remember that I was never what you wanted. I tried to convince myself that I didn't love you, that I never had, but that didn't work. Imagining a lifetime without you never properly registered into my mind until now, and I wish I could go back. You ruined me, and I hate to think that I barely had an effect on you after all of the time we spent together.

At the end of the day, I cannot say that I wish we never met, because even in another world, I would still give my heart to you.

Yours truly,

Amanda

P.S. I thought using your nickname would make this feel less like a goodbye and more like a new beginning. For the both of us, but mostly for me.