The Closer (18+) ✓

| 14.2 | closing the deal

We smiled warmly at each other and barely noticed when our hostess brought us our meals and drinks. From there on, the time between us seemed to slip away into something altogether different from what I would have pictured for myself a year ago. We weren't Ms. Henderson and Mr. Castellan any more. We were a couple - a happy one, at that.

The idea of having a sit-in lunch at a restaurant on a Monday afternoon instead of managing a lousy sandwich break for a meal would have incited a heart attack from the old Tris. Don't get me wrong - I still loved work and nothing would stop me from making sure I did things right, but not at the cost of my own happiness.

Meeting Hans had taught me that there was more to life than leading a relentless cycle of self-suffocation by immersing myself in work and refusing to feel anything other than the rush of deadlines. Somehow, the chaotic way in which he had overlapped into my professional life and taken control of absolutely everything had turned out to be a good thing. The best thing to ever happen to me, actually. I needed to stop controlling myself and he had been the one to show me how to let go. It prompted an interesting question to arise.

"Do you have any 'what ifs', Hans? About us?"

He paused from diligently slicing through his chicken cutlet. Flicking back his head slightly to get a stray strand out of the way, Hans asked with a bit of worry laced in his voice, "Do you?"

I laughed and set down my fork. I reached over with a hand and settled the black tendril of his hair away from his eyes which had narrowed, searching my face for what I really meant.

"I don't have any regrets, silly."

The visible relief that poured into his features made me laugh again. Grabbing my hand before I could move back, he pressed a kiss against the open palm before shooting me a frown and letting go.

"Don't scare me like that."

"I'm glad to know I'm capable of doing so," I winked. "But what I mean is do you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn't called Jasper's escort service up that night? What would have happened if you hadn't picked up?"

"Nope."

I watched him lose interest in my question. Hans stuck a fork in the piece of chicken and dipped it in the gravy before popping it in his mouth, chewing slowly as I continued to stare at him with a tinge of irritation.

"How boring."

Hans' lips twitched in a smile as he swallowed. Setting the cutlery down, he sat back and brought the glass of wine to his lips, inspecting me all the while.

"I just don't waste my time on things that might have been. At least, not anymore," he added, a crease furrowing his brow but it cleared as a good natured grin made its way to his lips. "I mean, I have you now, don't I?"

As heartwarming as that was, I couldn't bring myself to resume my meal. "So you never even think about what might have happened if we hadn't met again?"

"No." He set the glass down with a clink. It was harder than it sounded as the wine sloshed along the curves of the glass, nearly spilling over the edge. "I don't want to." His words came out a little hard, like he was holding something back. I reached over and placed a hand on top of his, noticing that it was trembling.

"You want to know what I think of?"

Hans took his hand out from beneath mine, turning it gently by the wrist so my open palm faced upward. Tracing a circle along the softness of the skin, he said quietly as if it were a secret, "Our future."

His hand covered mine completely as he lifted his rainbow eyes to meet my surprised ones.

"I think of the next morning and how to make you feel the love you deserve every time you open your eyes."

Interlacing our fingers, he continued, the emotion rising in tides as he spoke with honesty, "I think of the days to come, and the months to count down before our first anniversary. Sometimes even the years to follow, but then I try not to get too ahead of myself in what we could be when what we have now is pretty amazing as it is."

My breath stilled as he leaned over the short span of the table and pressed a tender kiss to my cheek.

"You make the present worth living for."

His hand grazed down the side of my face and rested at the nape of my neck, a single finger pressing against the pulse that thrummed near the arch of my throat as if he wanted to make sure that I was real and not just a dream about to slip away.

"So, no. I do not think about what would have happened if you hadn't called me that night because I wouldn't have us be any other place than where we are today."

Moving back till the tips of our noses were touching, Hans' lips curled upward in a loving smile.

"Got that, pumpkin?"

I let out my breath all at once but the smile that spread beneath my nose was enough to give away how happy he made me feel. Leaning forward, I bridged the small gap between us and kissed him again, the touch of our lips renewing a passion inside of me that had never quite died away. I loved this man, not just for who he was but who he'd made me become. And for that little reason, I was going to let him get away with calling me 'pumpkin'.

Just this once.

_____

Song: Get You by Daniel Caesar ft. Kali Uchis