Heaven [Book 3]

[15.] I Wanted To Ruin My Life

I told Tomas before we started dating. It was during a drunk-truths session that I should be forbidden from having. He is the only person who knows, and oddly enough he never judged for me it. It was one of the things I loved about him.

It's not long before I feel somebody sit next to me. The coarse material of his khakhi pants rubbing against my bare knee. In my time of crisis and feeling unloved, he made me feel valued. However, there was no denying that I made a terrible mistake.

"You look beautiful," Alex says.

"I have a boyfriend."

"That didn't stop you the first time."

He's right. Before now, I hadn't really thought about what I did that much. The guilt vanished when I saw Leon with Gery. Even though Leon had confirmed that he had only been with her for a few weeks today, I knew that my affair with Alex outlived his by months. But I was an inherently evil person because I was guiltless for the last five years.

Francesca, we need to talk.

My father was fuming, that was evident from his text. I leave Alex with a halfhearted good-bye. My father was by my car by the time I found it. I didn't ask how he managed to locate my car so easily.

Fury was written across his features, his mouth set in a thin line and his eyes narrowed. His clothes were still creased from sitting in the car showing that he had been in a rush to find me. I prepared myself to brave the scolding that would surely ensue.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"While I do appreciate your apology, it is not owed to me. Yes, I am disappointed in you. Not only did you lie, but you cheated on him. I may not have set the best example, but you were always supposed to be better. You left Buenos Aires because of what he did to you, but it was actually because you could not live with the mistakes you made. That is why I cannot even bear to look at you anymore."

Just like Ludmila, he expected me to be good. I suppose that was the reputation I had built for myself. Maybe I just needed a change. Everybody knows that it's very easy to crumble under pressure. I crumbled under the weight of my life. I was fresh into my twenties and seemed to have my entire life planned out. Maybe I wanted to be spontaneous for once.

Of course, I could have chosen something like bungee jumping, but I suppose I wasn't thinking that logically then.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, and now there was hurt in his voice. " I thought we had gotten closer after the last few years, but it appears I was mistaken. Our entire new relationship was built on lies, and I wanted to put that behind me when I moved."

I cower under the ferocity of his gaze. He lets out a deep breath and leans against my car, putting his head on his arm. I shuffle on my feet and play with the strap of my bag around my shoulder.

"I'm sorry that I'm not the angel you wanted me to be. I have always been better, and I just cracked. It's an odd occurrence, but I really did feel like I sorted my life out too young. I didn't get to live the life I wanted to live filled with freedom and hangovers and screw-ups. I had none of it. Then the biggest screw-up I could ever make just turned up. I had to take it."

It sounded like I wanted to lead myself down a warpath. I wanted to burn the biggest fire and run straight into the flames. It sounded like I wanted to ruin my life.

Did I?

My father doesn't say anything else. He gives me one more disdainful look. My little speech had only irked him further. Definitely not helping. He walks away and I rush into my car. I knew he was not going to go home which meant it was practically a sanctuary.

Tomas is watching television as I get home. He has one leg propped on top of the other and a bowl of popcorn next to him. He looks up at my entrance and notices my disheveled look and the horror in my eyes. He drops the remote in his hand and bounds towards me. I collapse into his arms and finally allow myself to cry. The tears come rushing out, and I don't bother stopping them. He kissed my head and rubs my back soothingly.

"It's going to be okay. This is only the beginning."

Boring, I know. But the next chapter is a bit more interesting for me to write. It's Leon again. Thank goodness. I really just love to write him for some reason. It's odd because I don't usually like writing male characters because I feel like I can never actually get the narrative right. Oh well. I think his story is much more interesting.

Also I apologise if the writing was terrible. Proofreading this, it doesn't seem like a well written chapter. And the amount of mistakes I corrected were reminiscent of my old writing. Frighteningly shocking. It will not be long before the next 'plot twist' comes up. Get ready for it! Like Tomas said, this is only the beginning ; )

Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚

~Lexy 😈