It's done. It's over. It's in the past

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I tossed and turned all night, going over everything that Levi said. And how the hell did he manage to look so at ease after our almost kiss? He acted like nothing had happened when I had been left feeling like a camera crew was going to jump out of the bushes screaming that the whole thing was a joke.

It wouldn't be the first time that I misread the situation, so maybe it was all in my head. Maybe there was no almost kiss. But what about him stating that I 'felt it too'?

There is only one thing that I had felt at that moment and if I misread the situation, he wouldn't have felt it too.  

My mind adds up every second, every word, every look from those few hours and it all equals that stolen moment. 

When I finally manage to fall asleep, I dreamt of that exact moment. Replaying it over and over again like my favorite song, except each time, Max wasn't there to interrupt us. 

I woke with a smile on my face and could count on both hands things I would rather do today other than going to school. 

Meet Levi early being at the top of the list. 

The thought of Levi brings Lucy to my mind. I have no idea what I'm going to say to her or Miles for that matter. A part of me wonders if they became a couple over the weekend and it's official. 

Maybe that's what I'll ask when I see them, just to placate my own curiosity. Or at the very least, ask how long their relationship had been going on. 

I quickly push Lucy and Miles from my head, refusing to dwell on anything that isn't getting ready for school or Levi. 

My body must have been running on autopilot because I don't remember showering, dressing or even eating breakfast. And yet, I know I've done those things this morning. 

I want today to go by quickly and for that reason alone, it will drag by. 

"Brandon, wait," Lucy's voice rings through the hallway and my body tenses just at the sound. 

I take a deep breath, debating if I should pretend that I didn't hear her. I don't think that will work though, because I already stopped when I heard my name. 

I turn on my heel, watching as she jogs over to me. 

I almost kissed your brother yesterday. The words travel up my throat and rest just on the tip of my tongue and it scares me. Never has the truth sat so close to the surface. Why is all the sudden it clawing to try and come out?

Lucy stops in front of me, her hands fidgeting with the straps of her backpack. I try to call upon all the anger I had felt on Friday. 

I try to find all the hurt that had flowed through my veins when I saw them together but I can't seem to find it.

Honestly, I was never really angry about the technical cheating. Either way, Lucy and I were breaking up that afternoon. But as I watch Lucy looking uncomfortable as she shifts from foot to foot, I realize that all that anger was hurt from Miles. 

And that's completely my fault for giving him so much power when I shouldn't have given him any. 

"I-I'm so sorry about Friday, Brandon," her eyes shift to her feet and she adjusts her position again.

"How long have you and Miles been together?" the words tumble from my mouth before I can even comprehend that I've said them. 

"No. I mean we're not -" her voice trails off and her bottom lip is sucked between her teeth. A flood of emotions crosses her face but it's the uncertainty that is most consistent.  

I hate that I feel guilty right now. Of all three of us in this scenario, I shouldn't be feeling guilty. But dammit, it slams into me like a freight train. 

"It's okay. It's done, it's over. We'll leave it in the past," I shrug my shoulder, letting her off the hook. 

The bell rings just in time to cut off whatever Lucy was going to say and with nothing more than a nod, I continue on my way to first. 

"Hey, B," Gunner slings his arm around my shoulder, nearly causing me to lose my balance. But I manage to right myself in time. 

Where did he even come from? 

"What's with Miles literally dodging from the hallway the minute he saw you?" it's genuine curiosity in Gunner's voice and my head twists to look at him as we step into the stale classroom.

"What?" I pretend that I don't hear him, but Gunner isn't the type of guy who will just let his curiosity be put to bed with no explanation. 

He sits next to, tossing his backpack on the desk with a loud thump, before turning to look at me with an expectant look. 

"I was talking to him about this party that's supposed to be this weekend and I said,'oh let's ask B if he's in,' cuz I saw you in the hallway. I thought he was on fire with how fast he moved." Gunner slaps his hands together, sliding one forward quickly, emphasizing his point.

I take a resigned breath, glancing towards the front to see if the teacher is going to start his lesson. No such luck on my part. 

"Lucy and I broke up," I lean in closer to Gunner, knowing that people will listen to any idle gossip they can get their hands on. 

I have come this far, I will not allow my secret to get out because of gossip. The high school rumor mill can be brutal. 

Gunner looks all sorts of confused as his eyebrows scrunch together and his head tilts to the side. Before he can ask, I continue whispering.

"I walked in on Lucy and Miles making out in her room on Friday," and I nearly kissed her brother yesterday. 

For the second time, the words try to claw there way out. I try to swallow them down and watch as Gunner's eyes widen a fraction. 

"Shit. I'm sorry B. Had I known, I would have punched him," he jokes, looking forward with a loud exhale. 

"I'm over it," truthfully, I am over it. 

Does it hurt to be crushed by your crush? Yes. But from Miles, it was inevitable from the beginning. But like anyone with a crush, I didn't want to believe the truth that was in front of me. I'm not looking forward to seeing Miles in person, worried about the torrent of emotions that might stir, but I refuse to let it drag me down.

Especially with my meet up with Levi tonight. 

<3 <3 <3 <3 
Thank you guys so much for sticking with me! I know that updates have been slow, but the words just don't seem to want to cooperate. But I promise, I'm continuing to move along, slowly but surely. Please continue to read and leave comments! I try to respond to as many as possible, even if it takes me a couple days to do so. You're all so important and special to me. I love and thank you all so much! ❤ 

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