Knowing You're There

Chapter 19

Eventually Dad came into my room and told me to get out of bed.  I put on a pair of jeans and a sweater before going downstairs and having a bowl of cereal.  After feeding myself I took two slices of bread out of the fridge, ripped them in pieces, and put them into her bowl.  She ate them much quicker than her regular food.  I thought about the big bag of it in the cabinet.  Eventually that would have to get thrown away. 

Although it bothered me, I put Star’s harness on and went off to school with her, hoping that she wouldn’t vomit on the floor in front of everyone.  I walked slower with her and she managed pretty well.  My friends didn’t seem to notice that I only gave her bread for lunch, which was a relief. 

As she led me down the halls, I thought about the cane.  How would I find my way to my classes if someone like Nathan took it away from me?  Star new the route by heart.  I’d have to count steps, feel along the walls for the room number.  I’d look even more ridiculous. 

After school, Melissa left the coffee shop for a bit to come get us since Mom was busy with one of her classes.  Kurt reached his hand behind the passenger seat and held mine as I sat in the back with Star.  We swung by my house so I could drop her off.  I was worried about leaving her alone with Emmit, but it was a relief knowing it would only be for two hours or so. 

When we went into the coffee shop, there were voices.  I counted four different ones.  That was out of the ordinary. 

“Are those customers?” I asked Kurt. 

“They sure are!” he said.  “We scraped up some money to put a little advertisement in yesterday’s paper, and it seems to be working.” 

“That’s good,” I said. 

I wanted to leave Star in the back, away from the loudness of the stage, but she protested as usual, pulling and nudging at my side.  I patted her head and brought her up on the stage with me as usual.  We rehearsed and everything seemed to be going well.  The four customers clapped and Mom came to pick me up later on. 

Kurt stayed behind to start cleaning up the place.  With his family’s budget being stretched to the limit, Kurt was now the coffee shop’s new one-person maintenance crew.  I hugged and kissed him goodbye before I left. 

As usual, I ate dinner and then fed Star before doing my homework.  Mom made her some rice, which she was able to keep down.  I sat in the beanbag, listening to Living Brighter as Star laid next to me.  All I could think about was how empty my room would feel without her. 

The night just kept going on, and so did the story in my ears.  I just listened to the last eight chapters until I hit the epilogue, then the author’s note.  When it finished, my phone said, “Press home to replay.”  I checked my messages.  There was none from Kurt. 

I didn’t know what time it was, but I nudged Star awake and brought her downstairs to her bed in the living room.  After saying goodnight to her, I put on my flannel pajamas and went to bed, once again laying on my back, my eyes staring into the void of nothing. 

I checked my phone again when I felt the morning light hitting my face through the blinds.  There was still nothing from Kurt. My nails dug into the sides of the case around it.  I pressed the main button and said, “Text Kurt and tell him I said good morning.”  After slamming it back down on my nightstand, I tried to breathe.  The guy has Asperger’s.  He was probably busy and just forgot or something. 

After breakfast, Mom and I got ready to head for the mall.  She protested when I started getting Star into her harness, but I fought back.  Although she was a tough instructor at the gym, Mom was a doormat when it came to Emmit and me.  So we drove out to the mall, parking as close as possible to the music store so Star wouldn’t have a far walk. 

“Do guitar straps have like, designs on them?” I asked Mom as we walked through the salt-covered parking lot. 

“Yeah, they do,” she said. 

The store smelled like carpet and some kind of polish when we walked in.  After all these years of playing the drums, I couldn’t believe that it took me so long to finally get into a music store.  I heard a pair of shoes come over to us right when we walked in. 

“Good morning.  Can I help you ladies find anything?” he male clerk asked.  He smelled like French fries for some reason. 

“I’ve got a Jewish boyfriend and I want to get him a guitar strap for Hanukkah on Monday,” I said. 

“Okay.  We’ve got a bunch back this way.  Just follow me.”  I followed the sound of the French fry clerk as he led us deeper into the store.  “What kind of guitar does he have?” he asked. 

“Um, an electric one?” I said.  “He’s got an acoustic one too.” 

French fry clerk sighed and said, “This is a nice one we’ve got here.” 

I heard him take it off the wall, then felt the fabric when he moved it towards me.  “That feels nice.  Do you think he would like it Mom?” I asked. 

“That’s nice.  But oh, what about this one!” she said excitedly.  “Look, it’s got dreidels on it.” 

I rushed over and held my hands out.  When she placed it in them, the fabric felt a little bit softer.  I smiled and nodded. 

"This is it,” I said.