Between Here and Her

Learning Beyond

"Rose no matter how many times I tell you, it's like you never learn, the answer will always be the same, you're a minor, you can't make your own medical decisions." Said my primary nurse Sarah.
"This isn't a decision! This is a need, a simple necessity", I said angrily.
"The most interesting thing around here has been the plastic garden and that's been here for over 4 years! If I stare at another leaf I'll die sooner it's a promise! 4 years Sarah!"
"Talk to your mother then, but until so, I'm sorry but until you're 18, the medicinal decisions are up to him and you can't be released".
"I can't believe this!" I shouted with what little breath I had, walking away towards my empty hospital room. The slowest breaths, they almost feel like I'm creating a new piece of life because of how difficult it is to breathe.
I guess I should introduce myself. Hello, my name is Rose, I'm 16 and I have Adenocarcinoma, which in human terms stands for "Darlin' you have lung cancer". I have been stuck staring at the same hospital room with 48 cracks in the ceiling for 5 months now, going on 6 by September 18th. 
My life wasn't always like this, I used to be able to run like a Cheetah my momma would say, worry about the smallest things like if there's gumbo for dinner, if I get to sit next to my best friends in chem class. It's almost hard to remember that my life wasn't always like this, but I'm grateful it wasn't. I still remember the day this all started.
I was watching Phenomenon in my room, staring at my phone waiting for a text from the cutest boy in school, Dylan. "I swear waiting for this boy to text is like waiting for pigs to fly!", I got up and immediately got dizzy. This had been happening for a few weeks now. As soon as I get up, the headache came and the blurred vision, the weakness in my knees. Felt like I was on a edge of a cliff and didn't know whenever I was going to fall over. "Come on, at least see! I didn't wait 30 minutes to not check my phone anymore!". I start getting dressed for school and it hits, the violent shakes and trembles, the feeling as if I ran a mile whenever I've only been walking to my closet 3 feet away. Lately I had felt the same. Scared, you may even say. Going from perfectly healthy to feeling like I can't do basic functions.
No one ever tells you how hard it is to fight such a bad sickness. Or to even hide it. I tried to hide it from my mother but that's nearly impossible whenever you can't even make it to the bus stop for school suddenly.
I grabbed a few pieces of bacon on my way out the door, "On my way to school, see you later!" I shouted out to my mother while she was getting ready to go to her boyfriends. Chewing my last bits before I got on the bus and I get the feeling. Nothing is worse than trying to catch your balance because you're hit with the strongest headache you could think of, but I'm stubborn and I grunted in annoyance and ignored the feeling.
I get to school and I'm presented with miss queen bee herself, don't get me wrong, we have been "best friends" since kindergarten but this was a relationship that would die in a matter of a bad whisper. "Oh my lord! Rose sweetheart is that you?!", that high pitched squeal is what made me jump while trying to get my favorite book series Demonata by Darren Shan out of my bag. "Oh hey, I didn't see you there, sneaking up like a ghost on me, as usual." I said with a slight sarcasm.
"Well aren't you a pleasure this morning with your, well, "books."
"Well aren't you still squealing away as always?"
"You know, you should really come by the church tonight, be apart of the community. And Rose sweetie I really wish you would stop reading those books, they're bad for your mind."
It was like a word play of a curse because immediately I got a stabbing pain in the back of my head. I caught myself losing my balance while she walked away and I lost vision of her. I slowly dragged myself to the school bathroom, applying my makeup, I swear foundation is a life saver. Well it would've been if I didn't smear it on because I was 8 minutes late to class, running in and I'm stopped by my teacher.
"Rose, you're late? You never have been before, you feelin' okay?", he asks kindly.
"Never felt better", I responded while going to take my seat.
I sit next to Dylan and I'm sure already you can tell I wasn't in the happiest mood with him, but as soon as he said good morning, my heart melted for him.
"So a good morning in person is definitely better than a good morning text right?" He said with that sweet smile.
"Definitely the best" I said while scooting closer towards him.
The rest of the class passed quickly thank god, and skipped to the greatest moment.
"So the theater is playing a horror movie tonight, demon themed and I've seen your books, wanna head out later for a date?" Dylan said with hearts in his eyes.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world sugar" I said giving a kiss on the cheek and heading towards my next class, but of course it's gossip time with the girls.
"So I just saw Dylan walk by with that date look, does it mean that your 3 years of waiting finally payed off?" My best friend Selena said.
"He..I! MOVIE DATE!" I yelled in a high pitched voice while we all group hugged and laughed with excitement.
"We need to plan your ou.." my other best friend, Becca, voice muffled out. There it was again, the pain. I felt like the world collapsed on me and, it did. I fell in the hallway, blood running down my nose on the hallway floor and the seizure came.
"You're going to be alright Rose" I remember hearing from a worker in the ambulance giving me a breathing treatment. My eyes roll back as they stick in the IV and I felt a weight on my chest.
A day, to remember, learning beyond what I knew before, I was starting new.
And then she said, "Rose I hate you so much you will never leave this hospital until the day you die and your mother will never let you leave!" With the most wicked laugh!
"Did she really say that Rose or are you over dramatic?" Said my greatest friend in the world, Amber. She has breast cancer, and so far she's had treatment galore but her body has been rejecting it repeatedly.
"Okay maybe just a bit but I swear that woman is a devil and has me dancing in her hands!"
"Try to get your mom to call you? Hopefully she will at least call you this month."
"I doubt it, most I get are Heaven Will Save cards, I swear, how does loving Jesus make that woman so goddamn crazy?"
I start coughing like crazy while Amber helps me pull up to a plastic chair in the hospital cafeteria. "I swear we should get bean bags for how much we use these chairs everyday" I say to Amber coughing on my barely made breath of air. "We're dying and we basically sit on a rock 4 times a day" I say trying to laugh.
"How come I get stuck with you and that attitude every day?"
"Because ain't no one got a better laugh than me, haven't you heard?"
We both start giggling while picking up our plastic forks, burning through these half boiled carrots they serve everyday.
Sarah pulls up to the table, "Rose it's time for your medications". I roll my eyes in annoyance, "all 15 of them?" I say while getting up slowly. "Bye Amber, I'll swing by the room later, steal some chocolate with you" I whisper while hugging her.
I'm walking down the hallway for daily exercise, thinking of the million ways I could try to get out this month to do something, and then it hit me. Literally hit me. I ran into a guy and fully collapsed on the floor while he tried to help me up.
"So I take it you're new here?" I said with a grunt in my voice.
"I'm so sorry I swear! I wasn't looking, my name is Bryan! Let me help you up"
I'm slowly trembling on my way up and then it happened. I see his eyes, blue as can be. Like an ocean, an abyss. A pool I could fall into and never come up because I drowned in beauty. He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "So I take it you're a patient?" He says softly.
"That obvious?"
"Well I haven't seen anyone as beautiful as you here and I work as an assistant here."
I roll my eyes in a joking matter, beautiful? As if. But, I felt the pain. Like I ran out of air and I'm gasping softly while grabbing my chest for more oxygen.
"Get..Nurse..Sarah", I gasp out slowly, I hear him call for her and she runs quickly. "Rose?! What are you doing up! Your exercise isn't for another hour you just took your medications!", she runs to my side quickly.
"Needed..Fresh..Air" I say softly before passing out.
I wake up laying in my bed, with my other nurse poking around my back, listening to my breathing. "Seriously?" I say quietly.
"I heard that. If you're going to act irresponsible, we will treat you like you are irresponsible." She says. Her name is Layla, she means well but has the voice of a woman who will beat you with a ruler.
I cough harshly while she sits me up and starts my breathing treatment, I stare at her and cross my arms. "Don't give me that look, you did this to yourself".
I know what you're thinking, why would I be upset about this? Breathing treatments are extremely painful. They open up your airway, but they raise your heart rate to 140+ and you never know the risk with it. "Don't act like that, these help you live, you could die any day now Rose." She said while holding my hand.
"I'm..dying anyway..why..help slow it?" I gasp out.
She walks out of the room and gets Sarah. "I heard what was said. There's more to life than dying, there are beautiful things out in the world."
"How..would I know..if I can't..leave..the..hospital room?"
"I can't let you leave without your mother's permission but if it was up to me, I would let you go to the edge of the universe if you wanted my dear." She says as my heart rate goes up, holding me to make sure I breathe.
I start to slowly fall asleep for a nap and I wake up to the ocean staring at me. Bryan smiles and pulls away, "Hey, are you alright now?" He says while pushing my hair behind my ear.
"I'm fine now, but I'm still sore."
"So may I ask?"
"Adenocarcinoma"
"I meant your name."
"Oh..well it's Rose."
"Makes sense, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, as beautiful as a rose."
"So why are you here?" I sigh softly sitting up in bed.
"Sarah, she's a family friend, she told me you may need some help getting out this month and I just happened to meet you by fate in the hallway darlin'" he smiles. It made my heart skip a beat. The twang in his voice was like a harp from heaven.
"So you want to take me out and watch over me while I struggle to breathe this month?"
"More or less, could be entertaining"
I give him a glare while he chuckles softly and gives me a hug. I wrap my arms around him and let my head softly rest on his shoulders, for the first time, I looked forward to something.