Fire on the Horizon

Chapter 34: Sanity Checks and Explanations

Shepard made her way down the steps to the last tier of seating at Apollo's. She smiled at the waiter and asked for a glass of wine. Kaidan was looking over the menu. He even commented on how he wasn't sure how they got provisions like this with the war going on.

"Maybe we shouldn't ask." Jane smiled and took a sip of the wine that had been placed in front of her.

They talked for a bit. Just ideal talk about their friendship. Where things had gone. Kaidan being sorry about Horizon...again. They agreed to have the rest of their early dinner be a sanity check. That took a 180 when the food arrived. Shepard took a bite of her apple, chicken, walnut salad hoping it wasn't actually an apple, varian, walnut salad. Her mouth was still full when Kaidan spoke.

"Does he love you Jane?" Kaidan said softly, but with the deep voice that actually showed some concern.

Her eyes got big and she swallowed the mouthful she had. "Yes. He says he does. He shows he does. I believe he does."

She was trying to cover all her bases with the answer. She didn't like where this was going. It was a bit personal and given their past she wasn't sure how this was going to go.

"I guess I'm trying to understand something Shepard."

Oh now she knew she didn't like the way this was going. Whenever Kaidan said he was guessing that he was trying to understand something it always lead to something personal and a conversation where she had to carefully choose her words.

"What's that?" Was all she could think to say. She took another bite of food and tried to act like she was still comfortable.

"How did you two start? I guess I don't understand. You never showed interest in him before. You didn't look like a couple on Horizon. I've heard rumors. The rumors were mostly that it either just happened or that it was something that wasn't supposed to be so meaningful."

Jane swallowed and took a sip of her wine. She took her napkin off her lap and placed it on the table to the side of the salad bowl. She put her hands on the flat of her belly, one on top of the other, and drummed her fingers for a minute.

"Okay, Kaidan. Let me start off with something very plain but very clear. There was never a point where anything that Garrus and I have shared or done wasn't supposed to be meaningful in some way. Everything from a simple chat to cleaning our guns to what happened between us has been meaningful." She paused to see if Kaidan had something he wanted to add.

"It's just that you were nothing on Horizon, or at least you didn't say anything."

"In my defense, you didn't give me much a chance Kaidan."

Kaidan sighed. Jane took a deep breathe herself. SHe didn't want this to turn into a "he is better than you" or the "you are a giant asshole" conversation. So, she decided to try and move it back to a specific topic.

"I'm going to tell you what happened as a friend. Just like I would tell Tali if she asked or Liara if she asked, which incidentally they both did. If you have a question after that, ask me. Deal?"

He nodded curtly, not looking at her, fingers interlaced in front of him. "Deal."

Shepard sighed and began speaking.

"After Horizon I was a wreck. It wasn't just because of you. You were just another reminder of time and people that I had lost. What was two years for you was a matter of days for me. It was hard to see how everyone had moved on and I was still stuck somehow. Garrus saw that. He and I had always clicked on some level. We had always been friends."

She took a swallow of her wine and held onto the glass. Twirling the red liquid as she glanced into it and kept speaking.

"The night of Horizon, we went straight to a nearby docking station. Most of the crew disembarked to get some fresh air and some real food. I was in my cabin. I heard a knock and it was Garrus. He was in civilian clothes, had two pizzas, some beers, and a code for a game. He didn't ask about what was said. He didn't mention it. We spent the night drinking beer, talking guns, sharing stories, and watching the game. He stayed overnight. On the sofa."